Oh Hello 2018

Hello!

Lovely to see you, it's been a while. How have you been? And how's 2018 treating you? Are you, like me, both baffled that it's already 2018 while finding it inexplicable that it's still January?

Anyway, I thought I'd drop by to let you know that I am still alive. The end of 2017 was hectic to say the least: once I started my MA in September life became a bit of a whirlwind.

I knew before I started university that it would bring challenges. The fact that I started off my post about beginning an MA by reflecting on my (largely negative) undergrad experiences suggests I had an awareness, perhaps subconscious, of what some of those challenges would be. But I've still been pretty blindsided by how returning to study is affecting me.

First of all, there's the obvious challenges of being a learner after twelve years in the role of teacher, which is undeniably strange and at times difficult. I don't deal at all well with feeling inexpert, and thus far I feel inexpert pretty much every day. Added to that is a severe case of Imposter Syndrome: a little voice in my head that's trying to tell me that everyone else on my course is brilliant and I am stupid; everyone else gets it, so why can't I? Because this shit is hard. I'm realising how little I've been intellectually challenged in recent years, how I need to learn to flex mental muscles that have long gone unused.

Equally, I think if I'd known beforehand how difficult trying to do an MA while living 120 miles from university is, I'd have had second thoughts. But I didn't, and in truth there are many positives about doing the MA now, not least of which is that I get to see my mum every week when I stay with her, and see much more of my brothers and nieces, too.

But as well as being hectic and challenging, the last few months have also been full of positives.

Thomas and I spent a wonderful long weekend in Norfolk at the start of December: four days of no internet, no photographs, no phones, just lots of open fires and books and long walks. In other words, bliss.

Having felt that I was struggling with the MA, I was surprised to find myself really enjoying researching and writing my first assignment, and was even more surprised when I did really well. To know I was doing ok made the struggles of the first semester feel more worthwhile.

I made it to the end of 2017 well within budget for my Buyer's Archive challenge, and although blogging my buys has gone by the wayside, I'm still keeping a record of my spending and am aiming to keep it below £500 in 2018 (ahem, we won't talk about how much I've spent in January...).

We've booked our long-overdue honeymoon to Canada this June, and I'm looking forward to spending time with family while we're there.

Oh! And while we're on the subject, Thomas and I made it legal. As much as we would have both liked to maintain our "fuck the man and fuck marriage" stance, it unfortunately makes so many things complicated (I lived in fear that he'd have an accident while cycling and I wouldn't have had a say in his treatment). So we popped down to the town hall one Saturday with a couple of friends, got into trouble for giggling during the ceremony, then went out for a massive pizza afterwards. And now, in response to anyone who asks why we got married, I can quite genuinely say, "so I can turn his life support machine off"!

So yeah, a busy few months.

Thanks to the MA, I won't be around here much until summer at the earliest (apart from posting some stuff that's languished in my draft folders for ages). But I'm finding Instagram increasingly useful as a sort of micro-blogging platform so if you do want to know what I'm up to, you can find me there.

Photo An Hour: Saturday 18th March

Another month, another Photo An Hour day, organised by Jane & Louisa (thanks guys!).  My day was a fairly typical Saturday of pottering at home, reading, a bit of shopping, and hanging out with the cat, before ending the day with a glass of fizz.

8.30am:
One of my favourite things about participating in Photo An Hour is seeing what other people get up to, and I especially enjoy it when our photographs all synchronise. This month, it was a rare first photo that wasn't of a book in bed.

9.30am:
Leftover pancakes from yesterday for breakfast, together with banana and raspberries in an attempt to claim it as a healthy meal. I mean, that's two of my five/seven/ten/whatever they're going to claim next a day, right?

10.30am:
Shower time. It's like hammer time but with more water. And considerably fewer baggy trousers.

11.30am:
Reading through the first submissions for the two zines I'm currently working on. Laura and I are making a compzine about 90s nostalgia called Mixtape, and I'm also editing a zine about virginity called Cherry. I'm still seeking submissions for both zines, so let me know if you want to write or make something!

12.30pm: 

I only wear stripes on days that end in a -y.

1.30pm:
A vintage warehouse has opened up not far from where I live and I went to have a browse to see if I could find a chair for our kitchen: sadly I didn't find anything suitable, but there were lots of interesting bits to look at nevertheless.

2.30pm:
Time for tea and cake in Clarendon Park. I was feeling a little delicate after an evening in the pub on Friday and hoped that mint tea will settle my stomach.

3.30pm:

Home, via the bike shop where Thomas splashed out on a new ride (after being told that his old bike needed repairs that would cost 5 times what it was worth), and a chance to hang out with Missy cat. This photograph doesn't properly reflect how lovely and affectionate she was being: lots of of head boops and nose kisses.

4.30pm:

My pins and badges had been scattered across the mantlepiece in our bedroom - I found a scrap of linen fabric in my stash and 5 minutes of pinning later, had a much neater storage solution for part of the collection.

5.30pm:
For the past 6 weeks we've been in bathroom renovation hell, having tiles (and bits of wall) ripped off, walls replastered, new tiles put on and finally, applying coats of paint. Now it's onto the fun bit: Thomas had just put up the new wire shelving so I got busy styling it with vintage Penguin paperbacks, pretty toiletries, and a plant.

6.30pm:
Onto outfit two of the day (I was freezing and felt the need for a big cardi), ready to go round to my friend Leanne's for the evening.

7.30pm:
Doing Saturday night right with pizza and Prosecco. It's also where I abandoned the photos, as I didn't much move for the next four hours!

What did you get up to this weekend?

In Which She Accidentally Starts A New Blog

Image source

As recently as a week ago I was 100% certain that I would be leaving the blogging world behind for good. Over the past six months blogging had stopped being fun and become something akin to a chore. I felt huge pressure to meet self-imposed deadlines and targets, had started to resent the amount of time I spent putting posts together, plus I couldn't for the life of me figure out why people wanted to read my ramblings.

My old blog becoming irrevocably broken seemed like a sign of sorts, a chance to have a break from blogging and take stock. And I relished the time off. I loved not feeling like I have to sit down and write every day, no more getting frustrated with myself because I hadn't done an outfit post in months, or because I hadn't yet written a review of each of the 20 books I'd read in the past month. I was able to enjoy myself on days out without panicking about having enough good photographs for a post, able to dedicate some time to just living, instead of writing about living.

In fact, I've managed to do a lot of living in the past couple of months. Having got home from Cape Town, Thomas and I then visited Edinburgh (and I met up with Gwen, which turned out to be just like seeing an old friend, and was thus enormous fun). I finished the zine I'd been working on for two long years. I started volunteering with a project for transgender youth here in Leicester. I spent time getting my garden into shape and remembered how much I love gardening. And Thomas and I finally got ourselves organised regarding our wedding, set a date, and booked venues.

And yet...

Over the past few weeks I've had the urge to write again and, no matter how much I tried to pretend it was definitely possible to make 100 zines on 100 different topics, I had to admit that actually, it probably wasn't. So I started tinkering with Blogger and I remembered how much fun it can be.

So here I am. A fresh blog, a fresh start, and a new way of doing things. No putting pressure on myself to meet spurious deadlines. No fretting over everything being perfect. No trying to review every book I read or to write about every trip I take. No trying to keep to schedules or blogging for any other reason than because I want to. A more balanced and achievable approach. I hope you'll stick with me.