tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39405450513611133402024-03-05T13:42:05.805+00:00Someone, Somewherejbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.comBlogger88125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-50238225920604474502018-10-08T18:12:00.001+01:002018-10-08T18:12:24.386+01:00The Thrifty Christmas Gift Swap 2018<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I can't believe it's already time to talk about the gift swap! But autumn is definitely here -
I'm looking out of my window at yellowing leaves - and so
that means it's time to start planning for Christmas.<br />
<br />
This
will be the seventh year of the thrifty Christmas gift swap, and it's
always so much fun to have participants making, buying and thrifting
cool gifts for each other. Unlike a lot of other swaps, you do not need
to be a blogger to take part: last year was about a 50/50 split between
bloggers and non-bloggers. And don't panic if you're not a natural
crafter, it's also totally ok to decide to buy all your gifts.<br />
<br />
So, if you're interested, take a look at the guidelines below and then drop me an email to sign up.<br />
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<u>How It Works</u><br />
1. Send your name, address, blog address (if you have one), social media links and any extra information to <a href="mailto:jbistheinitial@gmail.com">jbistheinitial@gmail.com</a> by
November 1st. Include in your email as much detail about your
likes and dislikes as possible. You could also include links to Amazon
or Etsy wishlists, to give your buyer an idea of your tastes.<br />
2.
Once you receive the information about your recipient you can start putting together a box of bought,
thrifted and handmade goodies you think your recipient will love. In
previous years gifts have ranged from <a href="http://wordsthatcanonlybeyourown.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/thrifty-gift-swap-7.html">framed animation strips from the giftees favourite film</a>, to <a href="http://wordsthatcanonlybeyourown.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/thrifty-gift-swap-6.html">Christmas mix CDs</a>, to <a href="http://wordsthatcanonlybeyourown.blogspot.com/2016/01/adventures-in-swapping-no-not-that-kind.html">cool brooches and embroidery hoops,</a> to <a href="http://wordsthatcanonlybeyourown.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/thrifty-gift-swap-4.html">secondhand books</a>.<br />
3. Try to limit yourself to a £12 spend (not including postage).<br />
4. Pop your parcel in the post by December 10th (although try and be a bit more prompt if sending overseas).<br />
5. Sit back and wait to receive your own box of delights from a mystery giver!jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-91805260361896985582018-06-18T22:07:00.003+01:002018-06-18T22:14:36.033+01:0040 Before 40<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I turn 40 tomorrow.<br />
<br />
I. Turn 40. <br />
<br />
What?! Apparently there's not even anywhere you can complain about these things, it just happens, unbidden, regardless.<br />
<br />
As you may be able to tell, I am not excited or eager or even resigned about this birthday. I know it's a cliche, but I just don't feel 40, or look 40, and I certainly don't behave 40 (were I to even know how 40 felt like, looked or behaved). And yes, I know, life begins at 40, middle age has been pushed back, I'm still young, yadda yadda yadda. <br />
<br />
The fact remains that I find 40 a huge, insurmountable, irreconcilable thing that's happening to me. <br />
<br />
But, in the absence of any formal complaints process, I suppose I should make hay while the sun shines (i.e. while I'm still in my lovely, lovely 30s) and so I've nabbed this 40 Before 40 list from Hazel, <a href="http://hazelsworldofjoy.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/40-things-to-do-before-youre-40.html">who posted hers</a> a year or two ago. The beauty of this 40 Before 40 is that, rather than a list of often time-consuming, frequently expensive challenges such as 'visit five new cities' or 'get a tattoo' (which, don't get me wrong, I love reading but don't have either the time nor the funds for at the moment), this is more an audit of what one has already achieved. And that I can do.<br />
<br />
<b>1. Understand, once and for all, to stop caring what other people think of you, and instead start caring what YOU think of THEM ?</b> </div>
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I wish I could say that I'd managed this but I haven't, and I'm not sure my anxiety-prone brain is properly configured to ever achieve this. Although that being said, there's recently been a couple of occasions at work when I haven't been invited to take part in things and my reaction has been nothing more than an interested reflection that, "Hmm, this would have really upset me a few years ago." So maybe I have, sort of, started to achieve this.<br />
<br />
<b>2. Buy a piece of artwork ✔</b><br />
Not only am I honoured to have artwork in my house made by various family members for whom art is a hobby or, in some cases, their career, I also have a couple of original photographic prints bought from galleries in Cape Town.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Find your perfect red lipstick...and know how to not get it on your teeth ✔</b> </div>
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And then accept that it's just not me. However much I love a slash of red lippie on other people, it's not a look that loves me and my small mouth. (And it's Mac Ruby Woo, btw).<br />
<b><br /> 4. Learn to gracefully accept a compliment ✔</b><br />
I'm actually getting better at this, and have learned how tend to gracefully say thank you (and even manage to add another comment, the most common being "it has pockets!" when complimented on a dress, without being self-deprecating). Although I still don't like it when Thomas tells me I look beautiful, go figure.<br />
<b><br /> 5. Laugh until you cry ✔</b> </div>
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All the time!<br />
<br />
<b>6. Skinny dip x</b><br />
Not yet, and I suspect not ever.<br />
<br />
<b>7. Scream on a roller coaster ✔</b><br />
Always. I have a love/hate relationship with roller coasters and can't help but scream when I ride them.<br />
<br />
<b>8. Stay awake until the sun comes up ✔</b><br />
I did this far too many times to count in my 20s, but only a couple of times in my 30s.<br />
<br />
<b>9. Sleep under the stars ?</b><br />
Does in a tent count?!<br />
<br />
<b>10. Try life as a blonde, a brunette and a redhead: nobody wants a boring look book ✔</b><br />
And pink, purple, blue, green, black... When I was at university my family starting running a book on what colour my hair would be each time I went home for a visit. I've now been a redhead of varying hue for nine years, and can't see that changing anytime soon.<br />
<br />
<b>11. Have dessert without feeling guilty ✔</b><br />
I never feel guilty about food. Honestly, if this is something people need to work towards achieving, I feel really sorry for them. Food is fuel and food is pleasure and it should never, ever be something you feel guilty about.<br />
<b><br /> 12. Learn your high heel 'too high' threshold and adhere to it. If you hobble, they're too high ✔</b><br />
I'd say my ideal height is around 1-2", my innate clumsiness and poor relationship with gravity is not made for anything higher. But that said, I almost never wear high heels since I left teaching.<b></b></div>
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<b><br /> 13. Find your signature style... But do still take fashion risks ✔</b>I'm a lot more comfortable and confident in summer clothes than any other season, and my signature style - midi skirt, tucked in tee, tan sandals, tote bag - is sadly only suitable for about six weeks a year in this country. Outside of warm weather, I struggle a bit to break out of my 'striped top and skinny jeans' uniform. But I guess that, too, counts as a signature style.<br />
<br />
<b>14. Find a whiskey you like x</b> </div>
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I have tried, but spirits generally aren't my thing and whiskey definitely isn't. <br />
<br />
<b>15. Eat by yourself in a restaurant ✔</b><br />
I've travelled a lot on my own and so this came about as much by necessity than anything else. It's something I've become less good at doing as my anxiety has worsened in recent years, but for a long time it didn't bother me at all to eat alone.<br />
<b><br /> 16. Date the wrong person ✔</b><br />
Several of them, in fact!<br />
<br />
<b>17. Go on a road trip ✔</b><br />
My brother, Richard, and I did the Scottish Highlands and Islands by road about eight years ago.<br />
<br />
<b>18. Japan. Or Rio. Or Burma. Tick at least one of your dream destinations off your list ✔</b><br />
If you'd asked me at 20 what my dream destinations were, I think the list would probably have read something like this:<br />
South Africa ✔<br />
Bali x<br />
The Pacific Northwest of America ✔<br />
Iceland ✔<br />
Costa Rica x </div>
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Three out of five's not bad, I don't think.<br />
<br />
<b>19. Have a crazy weekend in Las Vegas x</b><br />
I can't think of many places that appeal to me less than Vegas, to be honest!<br />
<br />
<b>20. Go to the perfect music festival. (Sun, laughter and great headliners are a must!) ✔</b><br />
I went to my first music festival the weekend I turned 17: Glastonbury 1995 had all of the above and set the bar high for my many future festival experiences. In my early 30s I loved Latitude Festival for its smaller vibe, but I haven't been back for years. We did talk about going for my 40th but that doesn't seem to have happened... maybe next year.<br />
<br />
<b>21. Have a home you love and design it with confidence and style ✔</b><br />
Can I have more than one mark for this one please?! I absolutely love our house and have made it into the most perfect home for us. It's rare that I'm totally confident about anything, but my ability to design and style a room is something I believe in entirely.<br />
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<b>22. Own a piece of jewellery that means something ✔</b><br />
Almost a year after the wedding, I still find it bizarre that I wear a diamond ring every day; it's not a very 'me' notion. But my wedding ring means the world to me because it was my grandmother's wedding ring. It has two large diamonds in an original 1940s gold setting, and is the most beautiful and precious piece of jewellery I own.<br />
<br />
<b>23. Have a signature dish (even if it's really easy) ✔</b><br />
I asked Thomas what my signature dish is and he said lasagne. I'm not a particularly adventurous cook but what I do make, I make well.<br />
<b><br /> 24. Take a trip by yourself ✔</b><br />
I've done this a number of times, including two big trips to South Africa and a cross-country train ride of the USA.<br />
<br />
<b>25. Be proud of something you've achieved through hard work ✔</b><br />
I think my teaching career is the thing I'm most proud of achieving, and that was certainly hard work!<br />
<br />
<b>26. Volunteer ✔</b><br />
Frequently, if not consistently, since I was sixteen.<br />
<br />
<b>27. Find a form of exercise you actually like ✔</b><br />
Does walking count? I can happily tromp the pavements for miles, so long as I have comfy shoes on my feet and good music playing on my headphones.<br />
<b><br /> 28. Have far too many books on your 'must read' list ✔</b><br />
And on my to-read pile, and on my must-read shelf, and in my waiting-to-be-read room!<br />
<br />
<b>29. Have a dirty secret ?</b><br />
I have secrets, sure, but I'm not sure any of them count as 'dirty'. <br />
<br />
<b>30. Kick a bad habit ✔</b><br />
I started smoking when I was 19 and stopped when I was 27 (in the end, giving up was actually really easy - I had a bad chest infection and cold and couldn't smoke for two weeks, and then when I felt better I realised "Hey, I could just not start again" and I didn't).<br />
<br />
<b>31. Learn a language - whether its sign language, Swahili or some French ✔</b><br />
I attempted to learn Dutch when I met Thomas but didn't keep it up, however I do still remember, and regularly use, some of the sign language I learned when my mum first went deaf.<br />
<b><br />32. Take a course, whether it's getting a master's degree or mastering pastry making ✔</b><br />
Since finishing my undergraduate degree I've done a PGCE, gained British Sign Language Level One, and am halfway through an MA in Gender Studies.<br />
<b><br /> 33. Live in another country (for at least six months) x</b><br />
This is something I'd still love to do, but Thomas has lived abroad a number of times and isn't overly keen to do it again: I think he's more realistic about the challenges it brings.<br />
<br />
<b>34. Wear leather trousers x</b><br />
Even if I thought they looked good (I don't), I couldn't without thinking of Ross from Friends... "The lotion and the powder have made a paste!" <br />
<br />
<b>35. Buy expensive china, glassware and bedding... And use it every day for a week x</b><br />
I suspect that what I consider expensive - Sainsburys, or IKEA's 'designer' range at a push - is not what anyone else would! Although saying that, I would love to be able to afford really luxurious, cool Egyptian cotton bedding, so maybe one for the birthday list? Although there's already the practical little voice in my head telling me it's only going to get covered in muddy cat paw prints! <br />
<br />
<b>36. Walk into Chanel and try on all of their little jackets x </b><br />
I have little to no interest in designer clothes and can't imagine the circumstances where this might ever happen.<br />
<br />
<b>37. Invest in something custom made - whether it's shoes, a dress or a bespoke suit x</b><br />
I can't see this happening before my birthday or, to be honest, ever. I'm much fonder of picking up vintage and secondhand bargains and then getting them tailored to fit me, which maybe sort of counts? <br />
<br />
<b>38. Have drunk sex with the lights on ✔</b><br />
Erm, is this implying that having sex with the lights on is super daring? If so, my sex life has always been more kinky than I thought. <br />
<b><br /> 39. Call your parents and tell them you love them ✔</b><br />
My mum is deaf so I'm in the habit of communicating with my family by email and post rather than on the phone. So if emails and letters count, then yes.<br />
<br />
<b>40. Write yourself a letter about why turning 40 is the best thing that ever happened to you x</b><br />
But it's not, so no. <br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #666666; font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;"><b></b></span><br />
The oddest thing about my prolonged freak-out over turning 40 (seriously, it's been going on for about a year now) is that actually, as this list attests, I've done alright with my first 40 years. There are no huge "ohmigod why haven't I achieved x" gaps in my life; I'm pretty happy with what I have and where I am right now. If 15 year old me were to look at my 39-and-361-days old life, I think she'd be pretty satisfied; disappointed, maybe, that mental health is still a struggle, but otherwise thrilled that all the big box items on my teenage to-do list - the not entirely compatible combination of 1. Live a dissolute life of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll, 2. Travel the world, and 3. Study extensively - have been ticked off.<br />
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I'm hoping that once the big day dawns tomorrow, I'll realise that life goes on as normal and 40 isn't so different to 39. But for now, you'll find me this evening sobbing into my cider and mourning the end of my youth.<br />
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Oh, and while I'm here: as I've got pretty much everything I need, I've set up <a href="https://www.facebook.com/donate/213760289425398/?fundraiser_source=external_url">a birthday fundraiser to benefit Mermaids</a>, who work with trans and gender diverse children and teenagers and their families. This is really important work and if you were planning on sending me a card or giving me a gift, maybe consider donating a few quid to the fundraiser instead. <br />
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jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-6020410897965520322018-04-21T15:37:00.003+01:002018-04-22T21:55:52.616+01:00A Short Break In Iceland<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The week before last I was lucky enough to be able to tag along on a work trip with Thomas. He'd gone to Reykjavik the previous week to conduct interviews with activists there, and I flew out to meet him on Sunday.<br />
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I've actually been to Iceland twice before; once with my friend Lesley, and once with Thomas a couple of summers ago (photos from that trip <a href="http://wordsthatcanonlybeyourown.blogspot.com/2015/08/our-summer-travels-iceland.html?m=1">are here</a>). So it was quite nice to be able to chill out on this trip, rather than feeling frantic about needing to see all the sights and visit all the things. Which isn't to say I didn't do <i>any</i> sightseeing.<br />
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Thomas was working on the Monday so, after a slow and chilled morning in the hotel I took myself off for a wander around Reykjavik, stopping to photograph the beautiful street art and admire the colourful pavements. I met Thomas for lunch at vegan cafe-cum-bar-cum record store Kaffi Vinyl, which I would thoroughly recommend (my bread and dips took humble ingredients and elevated them to a whole new level). We also ate twice at Glo, which was a favourite on our previous trip and has since gone totally vegan, too.</div>
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Iceland is notoriously expensive and when eating and drinking you have to just stop converting into sterling and go with it. However, there are some (relative) bargains to be had. The aforementioned Kaffi Vinyl is reasonably priced for Reykjavik and has permanent happy hour prices on beer and wine, while Loft Hostel has a bar and roof terrace open to the public and is also very reasonably priced. We also got a free shuttle bus from outside the Harpa concert hall to Perlan, and found the cafe there decently priced (and it also had the most incredible caramel buns). While at Perlan I'd recommend the Glacier & Ice Cave exhibit, which was a fascinating (if cold) experience at a fraction of the cost of a real ice cave expedition. </div>
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But no one goes to Iceland for a city break (or, if they do, they're wrong) and on Tuesday we joined a tour heading to the Snaefellsness Peninsula, north west of Reykjavik. It was a cold, windy and grey day but the scenery was just spectacular, from snow-capped mountains and frozen streams, to black sand beaches on the edge of lava fields. We ended the day with a visit to our guide, David's, family farm, where we had a chance to say hello to these magnificent and friendly Icelandic horses.</div>
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All in all, I had a surprisingly relaxing few days and, as always, found myself left speechless by the incomparable Icelandic scenery. Unfortunately I left my camera at home but I think my iPhone camera did a reasonable job of capturing the highlights.</div>
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jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-50171523367013446652018-02-12T17:19:00.003+00:002018-02-13T09:01:46.456+00:00A Wedding On A Budget<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFgz2evd5dA9d3d59q8aAjI1jCzdHSmssNz7MmNtNozzqibH_aHRKq5eP92IpCpcPnY4DktDdJ1JsKzAExBs2Y8koPUyTiZUl9Vx1p5A3GPyuac1-Invm0pujHyRktJntWulp4EwgSBL3c/s1600/_0149.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFgz2evd5dA9d3d59q8aAjI1jCzdHSmssNz7MmNtNozzqibH_aHRKq5eP92IpCpcPnY4DktDdJ1JsKzAExBs2Y8koPUyTiZUl9Vx1p5A3GPyuac1-Invm0pujHyRktJntWulp4EwgSBL3c/s640/_0149.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Throughout the planning process I had a lot of comments and questions here about how we were managing to stick to a small budget for our big day. With the average UK wedding registering at an eye-watering £21,000, our aim of spending £4k or less looked naive at best. But achieving our wedding on a budget actually turned out to be incredibly easy.<br />
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For a start, it helped that we were consciously trying to do things a little differently and keep it low-key, and so didn't want a number of traditionally expensive extras such as wedding cars or fancy floral arrangements. But what truly enabled us to stick to such a small budget was the help of friends and relatives, many of whom already work in the wedding industry. Now, I appreciate that this isn't a tip most people will be able to replicate for themselves, but knowing a wedding photographer, a professional cake maker, and a graphic designer specialising in wedding stationery was an enormous contributing factor in our wedding eventually coming in at a not-so-whopping £3,272*. However, the following tips are hopefully more easily replicable.<br />
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* In actual fact, our entire spend was just under £6k, but for the purposes of this post I'm only counting the elements that would be part of a more traditional wedding day. The extra £2,600 paid for a large family brunch on the morning of the wedding and - something that was incredibly important to us - hotel rooms for all the guests travelling from overseas. We basically booked out three floors of the city centre Premier Inn for the weekend!<br />
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<b>Decide what your main priorities are & allocate money a</b><b>ccordingly</b></div>
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Ours priority was food and drink. We wanted yummy cake & fizz for after the ceremony, amazing vegan & vegetarian food, and enough free booze that people could get a bit tipsy. And so that's where the majority of our budget went.<br />
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I've had the pleasure of being friends with the brilliantly talented <a href="http://www.ellejane.co.uk/">Elle Jane</a> since we met through blogging years ago, and our wedding coincided with her going into business as an occasion cake-maker. She made us 200 beautiful bite-size cupcakes to enjoy after the ceremony with glasses of Prosecco, which I bought from Tesco during one of their regular "Buy 6 bottles get 25% off" promotions.<br />
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Meanwhile, the meal was a real highlight of the day. Our fabulous reception venue, <a href="http://www.orangetree.co.uk/thelansdowne/">The Lansdowne</a>, served up a delicious three course meal for a mere £18.50 a head, which meant we had money left over to put behind the bar.<br />
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<b>Avoid bridal shops if you're on a strict budget</b></div>
When it came to outfits I knew two things for sure: I wanted something comfortable and relatively non-bridal (and if it featured polka dots then so much the better), and I wanted to spend as little as possible. In the end, I managed to find my literal dream dress in the sale at Lindy Bop for a mere £16. Yep, you heard right, £16.<br />
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That sorted, I found polka dot dresses for my nieces - Gracie's turquoise dress was also from Lindy Bop at about £11, while Amelie's pink number cost £20 from Amazon - a cheap petticoat from eBay, and a pair of teal Mary Jane shoes which I'd spotted years ago in Clarks and loved, and eventually tracked down on eBay, paying £13.<br />
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All of which left enough in the budget for Thomas to splash out on a new suit from Slaters in Leeds which, thanks to having previously worked in the Glasgow branch, he got a discount on. Picking up a pair of secondhand brogues from a vintage store in Bristol left Thomas suited and booted for just over £100.<br />
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My advice, then, would be to avoid traditional bridal stores (particularly if you know you want something less traditional and structured) and embrace secondhand shops and eBay as sources.<br />
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<b>Reuse & repurpose</b></div>
I was also really keen to use the beautiful 1940s diamond ring I'd inherited from my granny and, as I wasn't fussed about having a traditional wedding band (in fact, without the existence of my granny's ring I don't think we'd have bothered with rings at all), it made sense to repurpose it as my wedding ring. Meanwhile, ever keen to keep costs low, we bought Thomas's hammered silver ring from Etsy for just £18.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW1xlblRaP3wlZh9hEQgYyZ3rlCjx40oOmgIwvh1p9IGBbbbncanrKsAcfaiZornrQPtQZb7ugnmst_7MjLBI-flJh-mFgzXivHzx8RX_puZlU8RKE31XLnTTnVHT6knN54S1YSh6ZvJtk/s1600/_0159.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW1xlblRaP3wlZh9hEQgYyZ3rlCjx40oOmgIwvh1p9IGBbbbncanrKsAcfaiZornrQPtQZb7ugnmst_7MjLBI-flJh-mFgzXivHzx8RX_puZlU8RKE31XLnTTnVHT6knN54S1YSh6ZvJtk/s640/_0159.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b>Do It Yourself (or get a mate to do it for you)</b></div>
Partly to keep costs down and partly for the reasons outlined in my post on <a href="http://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/06/planning-anxiety-friendly-wedding.html">planning an anxiety-free day</a>, we kept things incredibly simple and pared back. No favours, no bouquets (actually this is maybe my only regret - in retrospect I would have loved a bunch of sunflowers), no complicated table settings beyond jars of flowers. And I don't think anyone attending the day at any point thought, "you know what, I'd be enjoying myself so much more if there was more stuff around."<br />
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But what we <i>did </i>have, we did ourselves (or, more accurately, roped in people to do for us).<br />
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The flowers were from supermarkets, arranged into jam jars (collected by friends in the months leading up to the day) with the kind help of my cousins, and dropped off at The Lansdowne on the day by a friend (who also made the tree trunk sign below).<br />
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The seating plan was a vintage suitcase that usually sits on our wardrobe, strung with twine and with beautifully calligraphed cards pegged onto it. My cousin Sadie volunteered for the writing, cousin Caroline's husband Steve did the stringing, and in the space of an afternoon we had it finished for the cost of four sheets of card and some mini pegs from Paperchase.<br />
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So my advice would be to keep things as simple as you dare and, for everything else, get people involved. I had so many friends and cousins not only willing to pitch in but actively <i>wanting</i> to help.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRomo97k3lWpK0rBKqKEOUlXXTn6fQ2kAeDXPp0_5-dScBLOdM9-bEMXfzZ2hLGJC-TxhpvCeCYaeGygC7QwYV19Qdo7F5ULrFEdBacF5utm3WfhFEp7iTazOupZyEv7hVCCAdvMOy6etp/s1600/fullsizeoutput_6ab.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRomo97k3lWpK0rBKqKEOUlXXTn6fQ2kAeDXPp0_5-dScBLOdM9-bEMXfzZ2hLGJC-TxhpvCeCYaeGygC7QwYV19Qdo7F5ULrFEdBacF5utm3WfhFEp7iTazOupZyEv7hVCCAdvMOy6etp/s640/fullsizeoutput_6ab.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b>Think outside the box</b></div>
Finally, my absolute top tip would be to <b>consider non-traditional venues.</b> There's not many places you could feed 70 people for less than £20 each, but your favourite local gastro pub may just be one of them. Even if they don't do normally private hire, it's worth asking (<b>opting for a weekday wedding</b> is also a huge money-saver: ours was on a Monday).<br />
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I also can't emphasise enough how much we loved hosting the party at a place we were so familiar with and fond of, with staff who knew us and enjoyed celebrating alongside us. We still get such a kick from going back to The Lansdowne for a pint and remembering what an ace time we had there with our friends and family.<br />
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<u><b>Price Breakdown</b></u><br />
<b>Food & drink: £1846</b><br />
<b>Outfits (mine, Thomas & bridesmaids) & rings: £268</b><br />
<b>Flowers: £57</b><br />
<b>Ceremony venue: £670</b><br />
<b>Extras (including photographer, </b><b><b>taxis, make-up artist, </b>balloons, confetti, gifts etc): £432</b><br />
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My other wedding posts:</div>
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<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/a-very-leicester-wedding.html?showComment=1506964707440#c4217517708885942117">A Very Leicester Wedding</a></div>
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<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/a-public-saying-to-all-our-friends-our.html">Our Feminist, Humanist Ceremony</a></div>
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<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/a-great-excuse-for-party.html">A Great Excuse For A Party</a></div>
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<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/06/planning-anxiety-friendly-wedding.html">Planning An Anxiety-Friendly Wedding</a></div>
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All photographs by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/JamesMottramPhotography">James Mottram Photography</a></div>
jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-44200013196106558502018-02-03T13:27:00.001+00:002018-02-13T07:30:48.637+00:00What I've Been Reading Recently<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8peeG_J3wM9py4NfLMiKU_2Iy0-V_wk1Iqn5KIqvjlZjMqlJ8HGZiw8sEUVWhahl0kA5pPQDTaMnREPR8XOcVsiWhOK9YPHaLG2RL_3Q9gxEccJhcyq8bQFkCADBBmvrEq6bcEB0hadHU/s3200/fullsizeoutput_8c6.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8peeG_J3wM9py4NfLMiKU_2Iy0-V_wk1Iqn5KIqvjlZjMqlJ8HGZiw8sEUVWhahl0kA5pPQDTaMnREPR8XOcVsiWhOK9YPHaLG2RL_3Q9gxEccJhcyq8bQFkCADBBmvrEq6bcEB0hadHU/s640/fullsizeoutput_8c6.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div>
Recently I'm mostly reading the rather odd combination of feminist theory and Agatha Christie novels, the latter being just about all I can cope with, intellectually speaking, after grappling with the former! However, interspersed with the Judith Butler texts and Marple mysteries, I have read a few absolutely cracking books lately that I wanted to share with you.<br />
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<b>The Wages Of Sin by Kaite Welsh*<br />Rating: ****</b><br />
<i>Sarah Gilchrist has fled from London to Edinburgh in disgrace and is determined to become a doctor, despite the misgivings of her family and society. As part of the University of Edinburgh's first intake of female medical students, Sarah comes up against resistance from lecturers, her male contemporaries, and - perhaps worst of all - her fellow women, who will do anything to avoid being associated with a fallen woman. When one of Sarah's patients turns up in the university dissecting room as a battered corpse, Sarah finds herself drawn into Edinburgh's dangerous underworld of bribery, brothels and body snatchers - and a confrontation with her own past.</i><br />
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If you're after historic fiction with feminist leanings and a Gothic Edinburgh setting - think Sarah Waters crossed with a Victorian Ian Rankin - then The Wages Of Sin is the book for you. With the medical student characters and glimpses into both high society and the degradations of those living in poverty, it reminded me a little of Sarah Moss's brilliant Bodies Of Light. It comes with a CN on discussion of sexual assault, which some may find triggering (and which I wish I'd known in advance), but that aside it's a superbly atmospheric read and Sarah is a heroine to root for. I'm hoping to see a follow-up to this soon.<b> </b><br />
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<b>Hunger by Roxane Gay<br />Rating *****</b></div>
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<i>With the bracing candor, vulnerability, and authority that have made her one of the most admired voices of her generation, Roxane explores what it means to be overweight in a time when the bigger you are, the less you are seen. Hunger is a deeply personal memoir from one of our finest writers, and tells a story that hasn't yet been told but needs to be.</i><br />
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Whether it's writing about the rape that left her eating to make her body, in her words, "safer", or her unflinching account of society's hatred of fat bodies, Hunger was often a tough read. But I love Roxane Gay's writing, which is never less than raw, honest and true. Highly recommended.<b> </b><br />
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<b>Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu<br />Rating: *****</b></div>
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<i>Vivian Carter is fed up. Fed up with her high school teachers who think the football team can do no wrong. Fed up with sexist dress codes, hallway harassment and gross comments from guys during class. But most of all, Viv Carter is fed up with always following the rules. Viv's mum was a punk rock Riot Grrrl in the '90s, inspiring Viv to create Moxie, a feminist zine that she distributes anonymously to her classmates. She's just blowing off steam, but other girls respond and spread the Moxie message: Moxie Girls Fight Back!</i><br />
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A YA novel about using zines to start a feminist revolution is obviously right up my street, but what makes Moxie so brilliant is that it's not just about large acts of change but also about the small moments - for example, the subtlety with which Mathieu handles the love interest's "not all men" bullshit is especially well done, giving teen readers the tools they'll need to challenge such behaviour without being preachy. On top of which, Viv Carter is a wonderful heroine, totally relatable and utterly likeable. I want to press copies of this book into the hands of every teenage girl, not to mention every teacher who's ever dismissed incidents of sexual assault in the school hallways as "just a bit of fun".<b> </b><br />
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<b>The Miseducation Of Cameron Post by Emily M Danforth*<br />Rating: ****</b><br />
<i>The night Cameron Post's parents died, her first thought was relief. Relief they would never know that, hours earlier, she'd been kissing a girl. Now living with her conservative aunt in small-town Montana, hiding her sexuality and blending in becomes second nature to Cameron until she begins an intense friendship with the beautiful Coley Taylor. Desperate to 'correct' her niece, Cameron's aunt take drastic action. Now Cameron must battle with the cost of being her true self - even if she's not completely sure who that is.</i><br />
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I absolutely raced through this lengthy YA novel, completely immersed in the lives of Cameron and her friends. What I found most impressive was the nuance with which each character is written: even the Pastor in charge of the conversion camp to which Cameron is sent is treated with sympathy, with the reader never allowed to forget that each person is human, not simply a villain or a hero. The Miseducation Of Cameron Post has recently been made into a film starring Chloe Grace Moretz as Cameron, and I cannot wait to see such a brilliant, important, heart-wrenching book on the big screen.<br />
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* I received these books from the publishers in exchange for an honest review.</div>
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jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-69720009316746904932018-01-27T16:59:00.000+00:002018-02-03T13:35:39.503+00:00Oh Hello 2018<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjl0beRzjO3CsG4LiyEgLYbkOBIXD02d1yT_jPfZFKomu-1DDEQU4206AI1DGUrdUEtb0KhwqNwwrp2TlOdQU5iT4cYG0MCHNLW9MibNQDzF14vQNWbzNrQeKr_rS7acT3UhYbBcljIQq5/s1600/DSCN4794.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjl0beRzjO3CsG4LiyEgLYbkOBIXD02d1yT_jPfZFKomu-1DDEQU4206AI1DGUrdUEtb0KhwqNwwrp2TlOdQU5iT4cYG0MCHNLW9MibNQDzF14vQNWbzNrQeKr_rS7acT3UhYbBcljIQq5/s640/DSCN4794.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
Hello!<br />
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Lovely to see you, it's been a while. How have you been? And how's 2018 treating you? Are you, like me, both baffled that it's already 2018 while finding it inexplicable that it's <i>still</i> January?<br />
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Anyway, I thought I'd drop by to let you know that I am still alive. The end of 2017 was hectic to say the least: once I started my MA in September life became a bit of a whirlwind.<br />
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I knew before I started university that it would bring challenges. The fact that I started off <a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/back-to-school.html">my post about beginning an MA</a> by reflecting on my (largely negative) undergrad experiences suggests I had an awareness, perhaps subconscious, of what some of those challenges would be. But I've still been pretty blindsided by how returning to study is affecting me.<br />
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First of all, there's the obvious challenges of being a learner after twelve years in the role of teacher, which is undeniably strange and at times difficult. I don't deal at all well with feeling inexpert, and thus far I feel inexpert pretty much every day. Added to that is a severe case of Imposter Syndrome: a little voice in my head that's trying to tell me that everyone else on my course is brilliant and I am stupid; everyone else gets it, so why can't I? Because this shit is <i>hard</i>. I'm realising how little I've been intellectually challenged in recent years, how I need to learn to flex mental muscles that have long gone unused.<br />
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Equally, I think if I'd known beforehand how difficult trying to do an MA while living 120 miles from university is, I'd have had second thoughts. But I didn't, and in truth there are many positives about doing the MA now, not least of which is that I get to see my mum every week when I stay with her, and see much more of my brothers and nieces, too.<br />
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But as well as being hectic and challenging, the last few months have also been full of positives.<br />
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Thomas and I spent a wonderful long weekend in Norfolk at the start of December: four days of no internet, no photographs, no phones, just lots of open fires and books and long walks. In other words, bliss.<br />
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Having felt that I was struggling with the MA, I was surprised to find myself really enjoying researching and writing my first assignment, and was even more surprised when I did really well. To know I was doing ok made the struggles of the first semester feel more worthwhile.<br />
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I made it to the end of 2017 well within budget for my <a href="http://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/buyer%27s%20archive">Buyer's Archive</a> challenge, and although blogging my buys has gone by the wayside, I'm still keeping a record of my spending and am aiming to keep it below £500 in 2018 (ahem, we won't talk about how much I've spent in January...).<br />
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We've booked our long-overdue honeymoon to Canada this June, and I'm looking forward to spending time with family while we're there.<br />
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Oh! And while we're on the subject, Thomas and I made it legal. As much as we would have both liked to maintain our "fuck the man and fuck marriage" stance, it unfortunately makes so many things complicated (I lived in fear that he'd have an accident while cycling and I wouldn't have had a say in his treatment). So we popped down to the town hall one Saturday with a couple of friends, got into trouble for giggling during the ceremony, then went out for a massive pizza afterwards. And now, in response to anyone who asks why we got married, I can quite genuinely say, "so I can turn his life support machine off"!<br />
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So yeah, a busy few months.<br />
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Thanks to the MA, I won't be around here much until summer at the earliest (apart from posting some stuff that's languished in my draft folders for ages). But I'm finding Instagram increasingly useful as a sort of micro-blogging platform so if you do want to know what I'm up to, you can find me there.jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-62972745836416496342017-11-01T18:43:00.003+00:002017-11-01T18:43:35.868+00:00The Buyer's Archive: September & October<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0CUnGdAGPJDyARQAzISuynbVTfDi7ft4Tm6fLNdKRFbVrhTEsuI96j6Id7xWTIQUhe9U7Yw77ADkOWsNavGzM2YYtnxtjZMT6qDoibhB-sImsBCJJ57ab3dtQuSbIEfmuW2A-jAdZ6rYK/s1600/DSCN5323.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0CUnGdAGPJDyARQAzISuynbVTfDi7ft4Tm6fLNdKRFbVrhTEsuI96j6Id7xWTIQUhe9U7Yw77ADkOWsNavGzM2YYtnxtjZMT6qDoibhB-sImsBCJJ57ab3dtQuSbIEfmuW2A-jAdZ6rYK/s640/DSCN5323.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<i style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Since February 2015, inspired by </i><i style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;"><a href="http://www.eliseandlife.com/" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;">Elise's</a> Buyer's Archive project, I've been keeping a record of all my clothing purchases in an effort to track what works and what doesn't and - in theory - cut down on my spending. </i><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Looking back at last year's <a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2016/10/the-buyers-archive-september.html">September</a> and <a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2016/11/a-buyers-archive-october-november.html">October</a> Buyer's Archives, it's clear that the start of autumn is always a time of spending for me. It makes sense, I guess: the new season's clothes are all out in the shops, looking ever so tempting, and as it turns colder you realise that for some inexplicable reason you charity bagged most of your warm cardigans in spring (true story).</span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">This year shows no sign of bucking the trend, particularly because I needed to replace my winter boots and coat. And when I say "needed", for once I actually mean it: the H&M boots I bought two winters ago have started to become rather too porous to water, and after selling last year's vintage coat find on Instagram I also needed to replace that. But first, the fun stuff...</span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;"><i style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;"><a href="https://tuclothing.sainsburys.co.uk/p/Twisted-Cable-Cardigan/132326731-Lime?searchTerm=:relevance:type:Cardigans&searchProduct=" style="font-style: normal;">Mustard longline cardigan</a><span style="font-style: normal;">, Sainsburys £22</span></i></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">My office is freezing cold, so this mustard yellow cardigan of beauty will make for a winter of feeling snuggly and warm.</span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;"></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Polka dot skirt, Fat Face £15 (no longer online but may be available </span><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">in store)</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">I've been eying this polka dot beauty up since it first went into shops, but had no intention of paying full price. So literally the minute the Fat Face sale email appeared in my inbox, I was on the website to snap it up. I actually think I'll wear this more in summer than winter - I'm quite particular about the length skirts come to when I'm wearing tights (basically, the shorter the better!) - so it'll go to the back of the wardrobe ready to be rediscovered come spring. Also, it has pockets!</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Black corduroy pinafore dress, Primark £12</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Last November I bought a black denim pinafore dress from Dotty Ps, impulsively sold it on Instagram when I didn't wear it much, and have regretted it ever since! Being a strange combination of short, massive boobs and long body, I've struggled ever since to find a replacement. This corduroy number from Primark has been in my wardrobe for 5 days and has already been worn twice, so I won't be making the same mistake again.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAQVnouCtoS2tarTW_P6FcdNx6lQiSCkHeER58IK6STPg7EsB00QTJKlg99YyboW9HvPLE7uTXkt8LNsfZn5a5Rdyi90-gFpw03-J12utaFudhGsAblsa0iccdIniHsRiEdaPZcy6F2ezS/s1600/DSCN5324.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1193" data-original-width="1600" height="476" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAQVnouCtoS2tarTW_P6FcdNx6lQiSCkHeER58IK6STPg7EsB00QTJKlg99YyboW9HvPLE7uTXkt8LNsfZn5a5Rdyi90-gFpw03-J12utaFudhGsAblsa0iccdIniHsRiEdaPZcy6F2ezS/s640/DSCN5324.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;"><a href="http://www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.0522918008.html">Blue polka dot dress</a>, H&M £12.99</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">It's blue, it has polka dots, it was always going to come home with me, let's face it. Despite the fact that I actually don't wear polka dots all that much at the moment, I still can't seem to resist them. However, it's actually a tad too large for me, so it may be destined for an Instagram sale at some point.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;"><a href="http://www.laredoute.co.uk/ppdp/prod-350024421.aspx">Navy blue duffle coat</a>, La Redoute £22</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">I had a great duffle coat from La Redoute which, after a number of year's wear, finally gave up the ghost last winter. I've been keeping an eye out for a replacement ever since, and so when I saw this one in the sale for £30 I grabbed it. As I already had an £8 credit on my account, it set me back just £22: not bad for a winter coat. And as I just sold my vintage duffle coat on Instagram, I'm leaving this off the total for October.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2C2AlQAtx4DbCwFLqNJWwO6ZWL6oS5dmxn7JVQgDqHlvRnox4d3qWqixmsqJnek4g48TQzTQtkdVCrDJw3eYZIM1kqWJAS_zLadf6mnwJr6j_jjOMrtLr1w2jKO5x-FFz4R0LsVHdgwrQ/s1600/DSCN5320.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2C2AlQAtx4DbCwFLqNJWwO6ZWL6oS5dmxn7JVQgDqHlvRnox4d3qWqixmsqJnek4g48TQzTQtkdVCrDJw3eYZIM1kqWJAS_zLadf6mnwJr6j_jjOMrtLr1w2jKO5x-FFz4R0LsVHdgwrQ/s640/DSCN5320.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Rocket Dog boots, TK Maxx £19.99</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">These are the boot holy grail - cut low and close-fitting on the ankle, small chunky heel, completely plain black with no extraneous detailing. They'll hopefully see me through the next couple of winters, paired with printed dresses and thick tights.</span></span><br />
<i style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;"><br /></i><span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;"><a href="https://www.rubbersole.co.uk/Dr-Martens-1461-x31199.php">Dr Marten shoes</a>, Rubbersole £77 after 25% discount code</span><br />
<span style="color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">I perhaps, strictly speaking, didn't need both new boots <i>and</i> new shoes. But after spending months coveting a pair of these classic 1461 DM shoes, I couldn't resist after I found a whacking great 25% off code for Rubbersole. They've turned out to be surprisingly comfortable to break in and should last me for years: £77 well spent, I reckon.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , "geneva" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Total for September: £54.98</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , "geneva" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Total for October: £104</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , "geneva" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Total so far for 2017: </span><b style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">£480.06</b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , "geneva" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Total this time last year: </span><b style="color: #666666; font-family: Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">£552.82</b><br />
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So I'm still (just) on target to spend less than £600 this year and, despite the outlay of new shoes, boots and coat, keeping below last year's spend too.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "verdana" , "geneva" , sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Look out for the #buyersarchive hashtag on Twitter and Instagram to see the other bloggers taking part.</span>jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-28522465791318467302017-10-22T17:53:00.000+01:002017-10-22T17:53:09.576+01:00A Week In Rhodes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In September Thomas and I went to Rhodes for a week and between this trip and last year's visit to Crete, I think we're finally converts to the "lazy holiday in the sun" club. We had a wonderful time sitting by the pool reading, taking in some of the island's historic sites and, most of all, eating lots of delicious Greek food.<br />
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We were staying in the village of Kalathos, on the east coast just north of Lindos. I'd heard lots of great things about Lindos and so it was an obvious choice for our first outing (after a couple of days of lying on sunbeds doing very little, that is). And it was extremely charming: a picture-perfect Greek village, with stunning views along the coast from the cliff-top Acropolis. <br />
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Overall, though, I much preferred our visits to Rhodes Town, and especially having a chance to explore the fascinating medieval streets of the Old Town. Sitting within the modern town but entirely separated from it by fortified walls, the old town was constructed by the Knights Templar in the 14th century and boasts a magnificent mixture of ancient, Byzantine, Ottoman and Italian architectural influences.</div>
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As well as wandering the labyrinthine streets, peering down alleyways and admiring the many street cats, we visited the <a href="http://www.visitrhodes.gr/showcontent.asp?id=203&mainid=2">Archeological Museum</a> for some Proper Culture. It's well worth a visit, as much for that incredible building and gardens in which it's set.</div>
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It's a testament to how great the food is at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/To-Marouli-%CE%A4%CE%BF-%CE%9C%CE%B1%CF%81%CE%BF%CF%8D%CE%BB%CE%B9-Vegan-Vegetarian-Restaurant-812646612214829/">To Marouli</a> that we ate there on both of our visits to Rhodes Town. And we also enjoyed stumbling upon Todo Bien, a Cuban-themed bar just around the corner, whose boast of serving 'the best mojitos in Rhodes' obviously had to be thoroughly tested.<br />
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We were also lucky to find a number of excellent restaurants serving vegan food near our hotel in Kalathos (our favourites were probably <a href="https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Restaurant_Review-g3236241-d1657499-Reviews-Konstantin_Restaurant_Cafe-Kalathos_Rhodes_Dodecanese_South_Aegean.html">Konstantin</a> and the seafood restaurant Mythos) and generally found Rhodes far superior to Crete when it came to vegan options.<br />
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But the absolute highlight of our trip was undoubtedly the cats. Our apartment block had a huge gang of semi-feral cats - we counted thirteen in total - who included some of the friendliest and sweetest holiday cats I've ever encountered. Although most of the older cats were happier left alone, Thomas and I spent many a happy hour with the younger cats and kittens who enjoyed clambering all over us and our sun loungers, peeking up from under our books to demand attention, begging for treats, and snoozing in the shade.<br />
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We stayed in <a href="http://www.danielapartments.com/">Daniel Apartments</a> in Kalathos and can thoroughly recommend both the apartments and the island itself. Good vegan food, excellent local wine, friendly cats, and breathtaking historical sites combined to make Rhodes a very special place to be. If you happen to visit, do say hello to the kittens for me.<br />
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jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-29984454650194788892017-10-13T09:03:00.000+01:002017-10-13T09:03:03.956+01:00The Thrifty Christmas Gift Swap<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I can't believe it's already time to talk about the gift swap: I swear it was March just a few days ago. But autumn is definitely here -
I'm looking out of my window at yellowing leaves and grey skies - and so
that means it's time to start planning for Christmas.<br />
<br />
This
will be the sixth year of the thrifty Christmas gift swap, and it's
always so much fun to have participants making, buying and thrifting
cool gifts for each other. Unlike a lot of other swaps, you do not need
to be a blogger to take part: last year was about a 50/50 split between
bloggers and non-bloggers. And don't panic if you're not a natural crafter, it's also totally ok to decide to buy all your gifts.<br />
<br />
So, if you're interested, take a look at the guidelines below and then drop me an email to sign up.<br />
<br />
<u>How It Works</u><br />
1. Send your name, address, blog address (if you have one), social media links and any extra information to <a href="mailto:jbistheinitial@gmail.com">jbistheinitial@gmail.com</a> by November 1st. Include in your email as much detail about your
likes and dislikes as possible. You could also include links to Amazon or Etsy wishlists, to give your buyer an idea of your tastes.<br />
2.
Once you receive the information about your recipient you can start putting together a box of bought,
thrifted and handmade goodies you think your recipient will love. In
previous years gifts have ranged from <a href="http://wordsthatcanonlybeyourown.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/thrifty-gift-swap-7.html">framed animation strips from the giftees favourite film</a>, to <a href="http://wordsthatcanonlybeyourown.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/thrifty-gift-swap-6.html">Christmas mix CDs</a>, to <a href="http://wordsthatcanonlybeyourown.blogspot.com/2016/01/adventures-in-swapping-no-not-that-kind.html">cool brooches and embroidery hoops,</a> to <a href="http://wordsthatcanonlybeyourown.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/thrifty-gift-swap-4.html">secondhand books</a>.<br />
3. Try to limit yourself to a £12 spend (not including postage).<br />
4. Pop your parcel in the post by December 10th (although try and be a bit more prompt if sending overseas).<br />
5. Sit back and wait to receive your own box of delights from a mystery giver!jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-28602146454089064662017-09-27T18:58:00.002+01:002017-10-05T20:07:17.256+01:00A Very Leicester Wedding<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Our wedding in July was very much centred on the city Thomas and I call home. Because the vast majority of guests were from out of town, it was really important to us that we use the event to highlight the things about which we're most proud when it comes to Leicester, including its history, its diversity, and its incredible vegan food to name just three.<br />
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Ironically, considering how central a role the city ended up playing, our original plan was to have the wedding out of Leicester in a rural setting. When we quickly realised that a festival-style wedding was going to require a hell of a lot of work and money to create, we went back to the drawing board and decided on an urban wedding that celebrated our home town, instead.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh53IvIZa9KymKjUYpVLoPmPz6TggNFgiBXn9g1K3LG9BTso7mTYVaxWvrHnOdjk7YRqrs6p64VLoL-r8E4E3j9njkZB6Ay0poIIpXUNkLecC0_CieUXhKdNiZMRqz6EL9dQ0my1JrZf537/s1600/_0159.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh53IvIZa9KymKjUYpVLoPmPz6TggNFgiBXn9g1K3LG9BTso7mTYVaxWvrHnOdjk7YRqrs6p64VLoL-r8E4E3j9njkZB6Ay0poIIpXUNkLecC0_CieUXhKdNiZMRqz6EL9dQ0my1JrZf537/s640/_0159.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyiL_-x9sZwy8iMl8Sj3RI8cOHgPdpK-fW3AZi6uufzwM0ImMfr7kAMYCSxtZSx68oE5JNmOucbCfUchiM59-15nl5uNhUqeprldZDJCcBJRevf1s572rICdyX4Sjt12yIxnQs1gRCfa23/s1600/_0163.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyiL_-x9sZwy8iMl8Sj3RI8cOHgPdpK-fW3AZi6uufzwM0ImMfr7kAMYCSxtZSx68oE5JNmOucbCfUchiM59-15nl5uNhUqeprldZDJCcBJRevf1s572rICdyX4Sjt12yIxnQs1gRCfa23/s640/_0163.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
As soon as we decided to host it here we knew what our first choice of reception venue was: our favourite pub, <a href="http://www.orangetree.co.uk/thelansdowne/">The Lansdowne</a>. Only problem? They don't usually do private hire and had never hosted a wedding reception before. We decided to ask anyway, as the worst they could say was "No" and, lucky for us, they barely hesitated before agreeing to let us hire the whole place and cater a three course, mostly vegan menu, for 70 guests.<br />
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The Lansdowne is our favourite pub for three reasons: great food, fantastic and friendly staff, and incredible mid-century interiors. And those elements made it the perfect place to host a wedding reception. Sadly, we were all too busy having fun and scoffing the food to take pictures of it but rest assured it was <i>amazing. </i>Many guests, even those who aren't vegan or vegetarian, commented on how much they enjoyed the meal. Meanwhile, it meant so much to us that the staff were visibly enjoying themselves and happy for us; because it's our regular haunt, it felt completely different to having the reception at a faceless corporate venue. We know the staff well and it genuinely felt like they were part of our celebration.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrB6q-aXUW08vOEiIDT1V15eJfI3ZbwIegSxOZDv94YQp80orA6TfotnfcbuPE4WnVcnIVGPSW-SmpHyypMYjeW4XZWztEI99EcJfiAtx84ApH8zrvceTkHG3rDdz0c6W-OesPzQG0YidA/s1600/_0146.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrB6q-aXUW08vOEiIDT1V15eJfI3ZbwIegSxOZDv94YQp80orA6TfotnfcbuPE4WnVcnIVGPSW-SmpHyypMYjeW4XZWztEI99EcJfiAtx84ApH8zrvceTkHG3rDdz0c6W-OesPzQG0YidA/s640/_0146.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXVADKT2jc5l7SlHxefHfHniCrvDm5jaWeZpRcwosS9gwzMsg_TWNlFWgUWG0vHpKekczigFpwEiTcAJ6L97LLNthYtTQLIDGhT-QyilpWxhTuF5zItbqFcvVX0cIbqii7kTBrTXdWUARV/s1600/_0144.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXVADKT2jc5l7SlHxefHfHniCrvDm5jaWeZpRcwosS9gwzMsg_TWNlFWgUWG0vHpKekczigFpwEiTcAJ6L97LLNthYtTQLIDGhT-QyilpWxhTuF5zItbqFcvVX0cIbqii7kTBrTXdWUARV/s640/_0144.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Another favourite element of our wedding day was the walk we took through Leicester from our ceremony venue, the Guildhall, up to the Lansdowne. Although about a 20 minute journey on foot, most of the route follows the beautiful Georgian-era tree-lined, traffic-free pedestrian path known as New Walk. I especially am a big fan of urban walking and it was important to me that this was incorporated into the event.</div>
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After a week of solid rain, and fretting that we'd have to find alternative transport, our wedding day dawned bright and sunny and the walk was on! From a chant of "F*ck the police" begun by Thomas' friends (see photo above - they said walking in a big group reminded them of being on protest marches), to dancing bridesmaids, to passing well wishers greeting us, it was such a special part of the day and the photographs are some of my favourites.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCHkqB7XCmNYL64pbtrAtH4F8JK4rfYrT4-2U0PoymZsv94PsxOAfPAadxKHFu22vyo_69Fr2L8PLInMrhsPeSakV7W7CIzFAr4N8bblLKHsrWCOE42vMlDPtSKpxvKcR8NWXkq6uzEFcM/s1600/IMG_7926.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCHkqB7XCmNYL64pbtrAtH4F8JK4rfYrT4-2U0PoymZsv94PsxOAfPAadxKHFu22vyo_69Fr2L8PLInMrhsPeSakV7W7CIzFAr4N8bblLKHsrWCOE42vMlDPtSKpxvKcR8NWXkq6uzEFcM/s640/IMG_7926.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
Aside from the wedding itself, we'd also planned a number of other events so we'd get a proper chance to hang out with guests. On the morning of the ceremony we hosted a brunch for family members, which was a lovely way to ensure we spent some quality time with family - all of whom had travelled from out of town, most from out of England - before the actual wedding later in the afternoon. And on the previous evening we invited friends and family who were staying in local hotels to join us for pizza at our favourite joint, <a href="http://oscarandrosies.com/">Oscar & Rosie's</a>. This turned out to be a really calming and fun way to spend the night before the wedding, and it helped people to meet each other in a more relaxed environment (my uncle from Canada and Thomas' dad especially seemed to hit it off and chatted a lot the next day).<br />
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We also put together a little mini-zine telling people about our favourite places in Leicester to visit - from museums to galleries to the best place to get gelato - and had so much fun chatting to friends who'd followed our suggestions and hearing what they thought. Considering we had guests from some of the most incredible places in the world - New York and Cape Town among them - I think we did a reasonable job of introducing people to our little city. I am so glad we decided to have the wedding here, because now when I walk around town I have some incredible new memories to accompany places I've been familiar with for years. Seeing the people we care about most come to the place we've both grown to love was indescribably special: if you're considering an urban, home town wedding, I'd thoroughly recommend it.<br />
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My other wedding posts:</div>
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<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/a-public-saying-to-all-our-friends-our.html">Our Feminist, Humanist Ceremony</a></div>
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<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/a-great-excuse-for-party.html">A Great Excuse For A Party</a></div>
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<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/06/planning-anxiety-friendly-wedding.html">Planning An Anxiety-Friendly Wedding</a></div>
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All photographs by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/JamesMottramPhotography">James Mottram Photography</a></div>
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jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-83781135893362834742017-09-19T13:04:00.000+01:002018-02-03T13:36:05.077+00:00Back To School<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtG0z5dwp480C_CZxpPIeagjfjbjJImdbScbFCniTF9C4lwyaw-bpT_vO49scEtrgtF8keDfKfZ2FtaYHGhAj_9lJGwuEeu5e1nd6GAjTEzq2P_i02uXAISArhOT6mErUnOciVus0yEJo3/s1600/DSCN5189.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtG0z5dwp480C_CZxpPIeagjfjbjJImdbScbFCniTF9C4lwyaw-bpT_vO49scEtrgtF8keDfKfZ2FtaYHGhAj_9lJGwuEeu5e1nd6GAjTEzq2P_i02uXAISArhOT6mErUnOciVus0yEJo3/s640/DSCN5189.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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"Conkers lying on the ground, the air is cooler. And I feel like I've just started uni."</div>
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<i>Zorbing </i>by Stornoway<br />
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Every late September I can't help but remember the autumn that I was 18. Seeing the streets of Leicester suddenly clogged with excited, fresh-faced students takes me back to the year I was one of them.<br />
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1996. I'd dyed my hair black over the summer, listened to too much gloomy indie music, and been suffering from what I now recognize as crippling anxiety attacks. I hid in my room when the phone rang; I panicked if I received any post. The world suddenly felt too big and too wide and I was about to go out into it.<br />
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I went to university in pursuit of adventure. My most fervent hope was to find my people, which at the time meant slim-hipped boys with floppy hair and eyeliner; girls in Manics t-shirts and glittery nail polish. I thought that if I could just find these people I'd finally be happy (conveniently ignoring the fact that I'd spent the previous two years hanging out with people who exactly matched that description, and it hadn't got me anything except a self-harm problem and the editorship of a mildly successful indie fanzine).<br />
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I was nothing short of devastated, then, to meet the students at Leicester University and discover that they were so far from being <i>my people </i>it was almost laughable. My fellow halls of residence, erm, residents were genuinely nice but, from the rugby-playing law students downstairs to the Home Counties public school girls on my corridor, I had nothing in common with them. For their part, they viewed me as something akin to an exotic animal in a zoo: something to be gazed at from afar, but not got too close to.<br />
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Having been planning my escape from Bradford since the age of ten, the reality of life at university was a disappointment to say the least. I'd sincerely hoped that, after years of being the brightest kid in class, further education would finally provide me with the challenge and intellectual debate I so sorely wished for (and yes, I do realise that makes me sound like a particularly pretentious Adrian Mole). My hope was quickly dashed against the rocks of a dull curriculum taught by indifferent lecturers. I'll readily admit that I gave up, decided not to bother trying, and emerged a few years later with a 2:2 degree that I barely deserved.<br />
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So it's with no little trepidation that, this week, I start a Masters degree in Gender Studies at the University of Leeds.<br />
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My first assignment is to write about a text that inspired me to study this course I'm struggling. I was born into a family in which political activism comes as naturally as breathing. My mum raised me as a feminist and I grew up in a house lined with books by Germaine Greer, Audre Lorde, Sheila Rowbotham and numerous other feminist luminaries. When I was at school (and later, during my undergraduate degree) I was the person who brought every discussion back to feminism or queer theory. Whether discussing the works of Charlotte Bronte or the sociology of the city, my preoccupying thought was always, "what's the feminist perspective on this?"<br />
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It's difficult, therefore, to pinpoint a single text or moment in time that made me think, "Aha! I want to study gender!" Honestly, as long as I can remember in my adult life, this course has been my dream. I still have, stashed away somewhere, the Gender Studies MA prospectus from 2001. And every few years since then I've opened the Leeds University website and idly looked through the course content thinking, "If only." But it always felt like an impossible goal - too far away from my work in Leicester, too competitive for someone with my crappy degree and, most importantly, too expensive.<br />
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As with so many things in our unfortunately couple-centric world, what seemed impossible when I was on my own became within reach once I met a partner. Since Thomas moved in I've been able to put more into savings than was possible before and, because he now has a three year contract at Loughborough University on a very decent salary, we're able to take the financial hit of me cutting my hours at work. More than anything, though, he has been my cheerleader and chief encourager, telling me that <i>of course</i> I should apply, that <i>of course</i> I'd be accepted, and that <i>of course</i> I'll manage the work. Whenever I have wobbles about the huge reading list or the added stress, I have an actual academic on hand to talk me down, find the journal articles I need, make me cups of tea, and remind me just what the hell Harvard referencing is.<br />
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I have no doubt that the next two years will be challenging. That at times, between the workload and the six hour weekly commutes, I'll feel like giving up. But for now, at least, I'm looking forward to being one of those excited and fresh-faced (ahem) students again. Because how many people can say that their dreams come true?jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-52771923529934246412017-09-15T17:43:00.004+01:002017-10-01T17:54:36.640+01:00A Public Saying To All Our Friends: Our Wedding Ceremony<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgtxSaJrrBVjAjPW_LgV7dQGXwiSF-jRUP8ZuwdgnHY6APb4xVqMPmssqRGx579aopwWODmvynYDNb6g9ekgU_R7YIzIqSF61uOS44WYirFJGGwHcVV2wr6_iExdHXi3ETGamfchYpUJSQ/s1600/_0114.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgtxSaJrrBVjAjPW_LgV7dQGXwiSF-jRUP8ZuwdgnHY6APb4xVqMPmssqRGx579aopwWODmvynYDNb6g9ekgU_R7YIzIqSF61uOS44WYirFJGGwHcVV2wr6_iExdHXi3ETGamfchYpUJSQ/s640/_0114.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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When you're planning a wedding ceremony from scratch there's so much to think about. We wanted ours to be entirely different from the traditional legal wedding ceremony, both in wording and in structure. We wanted it to reflect our values, as individuals and as a couple, and to be explicitly feminist. Most importantly, we wanted it to be fun.</div>
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We'd chosen Leicester's <a href="https://www.leicester.gov.uk/leisure-and-culture/museums-and-galleries/museums-and-historic-venues/guildhall/">Guildhall</a> for our ceremony for a number of reasons, chief amongst which was OH MY GOD JUST LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL IT IS! It was also, being a council-run venue, reasonably priced, and the staff were amazing and totally on board with our plans for a quirky, untraditional ceremony.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0uHL9nECC0WO6BzYoPlhT6rR2W5CueWynm4oRpU4p79OmlHpH33jwjNvGPHcfVbM6-nw35k9TFjrGDb0XsAzd-2GtCj7V7Wp0zVR4ec6pD7YA5e5Rh6JZmfwMu9seMzUMxNlOerpMtf-V/s1600/_0046.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0uHL9nECC0WO6BzYoPlhT6rR2W5CueWynm4oRpU4p79OmlHpH33jwjNvGPHcfVbM6-nw35k9TFjrGDb0XsAzd-2GtCj7V7Wp0zVR4ec6pD7YA5e5Rh6JZmfwMu9seMzUMxNlOerpMtf-V/s640/_0046.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Having greeted all our guests together (which was lovely and something I'd highly recommend, as it gave me a chance to say hello to everyone - and admire their outfits - instead of sitting somewhere 'backstage', as brides usually do, feeling increasingly nervous), everyone was seated ready to begin. Instead of entering separately or, god forbid, me being 'given away' by my dad, we walked into the ceremony hall together to the strains of Sam Cooke's You Send Me.<br />
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Our friend Richard was officiating the ceremony for us, partly because as a teacher, he had the perfect voice to fill the hall and the confidence to stand up in front of 70 people. Although he confessed later that he'd felt anxious about it, you'd never have guessed.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs_SW1FNdGfz8q49TCwSE96ZMJIiePpacR4-l60DyXYQcY85Ud5ubX-LdMz2HM2tGB6RMWrp3s-V8TUfDsAHege9vmBbgHX_DPjTMpnN67d_83UcBQ7AGC3PorlnxeRZR8_KSHobH3n1LP/s1600/_0053ps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs_SW1FNdGfz8q49TCwSE96ZMJIiePpacR4-l60DyXYQcY85Ud5ubX-LdMz2HM2tGB6RMWrp3s-V8TUfDsAHege9vmBbgHX_DPjTMpnN67d_83UcBQ7AGC3PorlnxeRZR8_KSHobH3n1LP/s640/_0053ps.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Richard opened with a beautifully written, and very funny, speech, and was followed by Julia, Thomas's sister, reading the Marge Piercy poem that <a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/a-great-excuse-for-party.html">I shared in my last wedding post</a>. We'd decided to have all the speeches within the ceremony, rather than at the party afterwards, so two of Thomas's best friends - Bart and Tim - gave what became the equivalent of a best man's speech (I certainly wasn't expecting the word "balls" to be bandied around quite so much!). My mum also spoke, beautifully and movingly, and two friends - Cara and Mathijs - both gave readings.<br />
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"In my opinion the best thing you can you do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with."</div>
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<i>From the film </i>Juno</div>
<br />
We'd chosen our readings carefully because we wanted them to reflect not just the ethos of our day but also the person reading. So Julia, one of the bravest and most awesome feminists I know, got the Marge Piercy poem. Cara seemed perfectly suited to the extract from Juno (plus it has the bonus of being short, as she wasn't wild about having to speak in public). Finally, Mathijs read a quote from the film Frida which we knew would suit his oratory style and, for us, summed up everything we hoped for about our marriage.<br />
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"I don't believe in marriage... I think at worst it's a hostile political act, a way for small-minded men to keep women in the house and out of the way, wrapped up in the guise of tradition and conservative religious nonsense. At best, it's a happy delusion - these two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they're about to make each other. But, when two people know that, and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don't think it's conservative or delusional. I think it's radical and courageous and very romantic."</div>
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<i>From the film </i>Frida</div>
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My strongest memory of my whole wedding day - but particularly of the ceremony - is of laughter. We'd wanted it to feel relaxed and joyful, and for people to feel more involved in proceedings than the traditional ceremony usually allows. Having a friend officiate and therefore removing the legal stuff meant every single word was meaningful and personal to us. But we retained some bits of a traditional ceremony, for example exchanging rings and saying vows, although our vows were ones we'd written together:</div>
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<br />
<div class="Body" style="text-align: center;">
"I commit myself to our life together because I love who you are
now<br />
and who you are yet to become.</div>
<div class="Body" style="text-align: center;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="Body" style="text-align: center;">
I promise to stand with you and to fight with you for everything
we believe in.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="Body" style="text-align: center;">
I promise to support your freedom to be, to grow and to do all
you wish."</div>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsdeetbPTz_Fk0ZykcHbF7zl6u3ofmvH0hu4wjdj7goonp5Hc1p9JHD9MLKoVguqhcExXvPhVPBhDqc2cn20ynDH7lXPNpQzK3TT04JlOk2k4he7Efm-4gBOIART36DCm1mAWthvqCAiUp/s1600/_0070ps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsdeetbPTz_Fk0ZykcHbF7zl6u3ofmvH0hu4wjdj7goonp5Hc1p9JHD9MLKoVguqhcExXvPhVPBhDqc2cn20ynDH7lXPNpQzK3TT04JlOk2k4he7Efm-4gBOIART36DCm1mAWthvqCAiUp/s640/_0070ps.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7a9JrCZgZdLQSZ8FJdI8Efkv_DlffpLXHbB1vW7uW4XuI88vzgqR97NN-e6c6-LE9OpoUmC5JKI5rF3R6Y_WosfbS12B3SBICz4VlcheHSULuODrsw6x5gwSOz5BZUMkKuqr5K0hf-zXs/s1600/_0081ps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7a9JrCZgZdLQSZ8FJdI8Efkv_DlffpLXHbB1vW7uW4XuI88vzgqR97NN-e6c6-LE9OpoUmC5JKI5rF3R6Y_WosfbS12B3SBICz4VlcheHSULuODrsw6x5gwSOz5BZUMkKuqr5K0hf-zXs/s640/_0081ps.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6oLxJ6enGfG6wcibqPDTRp30suQvBADhENGUgdXYmNG8HzW6OBXLtkndVI6t0KifHlrWzQmK-7O1PpqPnITwOp0xHoMPUY0UQKp9wOFMyvayHCb4-PsZC_1owBbQyDm3g78ElmoFDWzPZ/s1600/_0096.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1068" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6oLxJ6enGfG6wcibqPDTRp30suQvBADhENGUgdXYmNG8HzW6OBXLtkndVI6t0KifHlrWzQmK-7O1PpqPnITwOp0xHoMPUY0UQKp9wOFMyvayHCb4-PsZC_1owBbQyDm3g78ElmoFDWzPZ/s640/_0096.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
And then, all too soon, it was time for Prosecco and cake in the Guildhall courtyard, and a chance to properly catch up with people (I recall a lot of hugging and squealing, most of it from me).<br />
<br />
It's been wonderful, while writing this, to reflect on our ceremony and I'm very glad to say that with the benefit of hindsight there's nothing we'd do differently. We had so very many lovely comments afterwards, saying how much people had enjoyed and been moved by the ceremony. I'm going to end by quoting our friend Rose who, the day afterwards, wrote the following on Instagram:<br />
"I'm not a fan of weddings [preach!]. They are largely tedious exercises in conspicuous consumption in the services of an archaic institution. But Janet and Thomas's was utterly joyous and felt totally authentic to them as a couple." Wedding goals achieved.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk1A_9BZIIPC4md19FG1N5Bt7mCMie2HWtGBPpTPFnvuyaFfspCnOZUbM-ygubLdEpgmP9Urzz2HgWmCdg6H6bSX3f1ytHWMrX82jW23EUBhC7nj2r5wcM-hyhDSHaMVBvAf-u9J9ooVy3/s1600/_0138.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk1A_9BZIIPC4md19FG1N5Bt7mCMie2HWtGBPpTPFnvuyaFfspCnOZUbM-ygubLdEpgmP9Urzz2HgWmCdg6H6bSX3f1ytHWMrX82jW23EUBhC7nj2r5wcM-hyhDSHaMVBvAf-u9J9ooVy3/s640/_0138.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
All photographs by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/JamesMottramPhotography">James Mottram Photography</a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
My other wedding posts:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/a-very-leicester-wedding.html">A Very Leicester Wedding</a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/a-great-excuse-for-party.html">A Great Excuse For A Party</a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/06/planning-anxiety-friendly-wedding.html">Planning An Anxiety-Friendly Wedding</a></div>
jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-60729780243532917982017-09-05T14:23:00.000+01:002017-09-05T14:23:00.233+01:00The Buyer's Archive: July & August<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi31fC2AZ9VqF6tL95-KoMs78BA8-9oWbagLZHeoL0lt5HZf2GK6h08oVPB8Zmt9qoTSR7AQZEC1bebEsP5-2jFdl-8s41Qr0Tqs06EiJd_-r_LkWy_cxmIbo3gyROIEDOYyIh-kaf5cN70/s1600/DSCN5010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi31fC2AZ9VqF6tL95-KoMs78BA8-9oWbagLZHeoL0lt5HZf2GK6h08oVPB8Zmt9qoTSR7AQZEC1bebEsP5-2jFdl-8s41Qr0Tqs06EiJd_-r_LkWy_cxmIbo3gyROIEDOYyIh-kaf5cN70/s640/DSCN5010.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<i style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Since February 2015, inspired by </i><i style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;"><a href="http://www.eliseandlife.com/" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;">Elise's</a> Buyer's Archive project, I've been keeping a record of all my clothing purchases in an effort to track what works and what doesn't and - in theory - cut down on my spending. </i><br />
<br />
July and August were two months in which I, once again, managed to rein in my spending. I'm really not sure what's becoming of me... could I (whisper it) actually be getting <i>good</i> with money? Or is it just that I'm having a massive style crisis and don't know what to buy?<br />
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Mint green top, Sue Ryder Vintage £6<br />
Something which looked better on the hanger than on my body, but I bought anyway for some reason. I love mint green, I love this kind of vintage shell top, but because of my gigantic basoomas it ends up being a really weird length on me. This may find itself on eBay before too long.<br />
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Polka dot midi skirt, Sue Ryder Vintage £10<br />
The vintage gods were smiling on me when I went to Nottingham with Becks. Having been on the hunt for a navy blue, pleated polka dot skirt for a while, I was thrilled to find this in my size. It ideally needs taking up a bit, but I've already worn it a few times.<br />
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Primark black denim skirt, via eBay £4.40<br />
I bought this exact same skirt in January in the Primark sale and have worn it literally to death - the stitching is all coming out on the front darts - so when I saw a brand new one on eBay I leapt into action and nabbed it.<br />
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Tan Saltwater sandals, £34 (not pictured)<br />
Having had a black pair that I didn't wear much but found really comfortable, I was desperate for a tan pair but not keen on paying £60 in this country. So when my cousin booked her flights for the wedding I cheekily asked if I could order them from Modcloth to be delivered to her place in Brooklyn, for her to bring over. I'm so so happy with them - they really are incredibly comfortable and hard-wearing - and I'm already planning how many pairs I can buy in Canada next summer. I also sold my black pair on eBay for more than these new ones cost me, so I'm taking them off the total for July.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp4rLSErHTHJFP2n7XcrZMgNJeQ864LMAzVv9O7pkqeEFntgEdAQQEIrymUGgtWJ48kU_UskX6leu9QPrMKZU14bLjnLSVVIbeFLpa1urBt8F8SnHf_tbAAFSrWIql_O-Jf3HYacCygMA0/s1600/DSCN5007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1077" data-original-width="1448" height="476" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp4rLSErHTHJFP2n7XcrZMgNJeQ864LMAzVv9O7pkqeEFntgEdAQQEIrymUGgtWJ48kU_UskX6leu9QPrMKZU14bLjnLSVVIbeFLpa1urBt8F8SnHf_tbAAFSrWIql_O-Jf3HYacCygMA0/s640/DSCN5007.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
90s midi skirt, charity shop £3<br />
I seem to be on a mission to collect 80s & 90s midi skirts that remind me of ones my mum and her friends owned: this one is on the nose.<br />
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<a href="http://www2.hm.com/en_gb/productpage.0379780038.html">Striped ringer t-shirt</a>, H&M £6.99<br />
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Another one of those purchases where I liked it more on the hanger but bought it anyway. Doh. It's fine tucked in but, thanks to my boobs (again), an awkward length when not tucked: not really cropped, but not a proper t-shirt length either.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo8vn0AMZmgCd0JExGSEhXZWo2DKfvglMwNoLRIoIRX_0b1ZseK1RhNb9nBOUEDwFAfEMcYigG62sRmCA_P7Uj_kvN9ch_qucnbn_5dtCJCukolFQP0dsFfJ7T3ev6S_SofVoeQ2mr7usN/s1600/DSCN3864.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo8vn0AMZmgCd0JExGSEhXZWo2DKfvglMwNoLRIoIRX_0b1ZseK1RhNb9nBOUEDwFAfEMcYigG62sRmCA_P7Uj_kvN9ch_qucnbn_5dtCJCukolFQP0dsFfJ7T3ev6S_SofVoeQ2mr7usN/s640/DSCN3864.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2016/08/the-buyers-archive-july.html">In July last year</a> I bought a ridiculous amount of stripes and spent a total of £55.97 (an improvement on July 2015 when I spent £159.38). Of what I bought in 2016, most of it has been well worn. The denim skirt was a staple last summer that has only recently - thanks to stretching out - made its way into the charity bag. Meanwhile, all the striped tops were worn regularly although again, the Sainsburys and H&M t-shirts have both been donated as they stretched until they were too big for me.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHg2XP4ECyVg3KwRjvf4OL9FYdD62OkbptfQ1BdesxpvqXO-CUZs1ASDq0VOaW2vQZ9Aqef4g1IMXiQB1P8LlnlPFCKV3fUst1tog0ro8bTlCwdgwuueGMSWVcfCK3_xya3OWg7neVrQC1/s1600/DSCN3963.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1205" data-original-width="1600" height="482" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHg2XP4ECyVg3KwRjvf4OL9FYdD62OkbptfQ1BdesxpvqXO-CUZs1ASDq0VOaW2vQZ9Aqef4g1IMXiQB1P8LlnlPFCKV3fUst1tog0ro8bTlCwdgwuueGMSWVcfCK3_xya3OWg7neVrQC1/s640/DSCN3963.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2016/09/a-buyersarchive-august.html">In August 2016</a> my total spend was £50 on yet more stripes - all three of those tops have become the centre of my stripes collection and continue to fare well, being worn on a weekly basis - a pair of jeans that I wore until the thighs gave up, plus a Dorothy Perkins skirt that I ended up selling unworn on eBay.<br />
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I'm pleased to see my annual total dropping further compared to last year, although whether I'll keep that up as we transition into a new season's offerings in the shops I don't know.<br />
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Total for July: <b>£16 </b>(thanks to selling my old sandals for more than my new ones cost)<br />
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Total for August: <b>£13.39</b><br />
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Total so far for 2017: <b>£321.08</b><br />
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Total this time last year: <b>£440.06</b><br />
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Look out for the #buyersarchive hashtag on Twitter and Instagram to see the other bloggers taking part.jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-71271270232716949672017-09-02T14:12:00.003+01:002017-10-01T17:57:05.649+01:00A Great Excuse For A Party<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3YduDeNwCOy3ifPltRNkf2w3OCv8aFk9_FdnQYOe6upDj-G4er9KI24YCFnos4yQlIYX7gyEUxO9al_Ez20oFMU89yLlIyWBXSZEBCc80OkDlppMR3yK0cjxwVaGw_6GJpAwIih7CiYyu/s1600/_0151.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1081" data-original-width="1600" height="432" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3YduDeNwCOy3ifPltRNkf2w3OCv8aFk9_FdnQYOe6upDj-G4er9KI24YCFnos4yQlIYX7gyEUxO9al_Ez20oFMU89yLlIyWBXSZEBCc80OkDlppMR3yK0cjxwVaGw_6GJpAwIih7CiYyu/s640/_0151.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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We didn't want to call it a wedding. We avoided using that word on the invitations and, in conversation and social media posts, opted for phrases like liefdesfeestje and celebration instead.<br />
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Our motivation when planning was simple: to get all our friends and family together for a big party. Why not just do exactly that, I hear you ask. Just throw a party and not bother with the wedding stuff? It'd be easy, right? Well, for most people maybe. But not if your parents are immigrants so you don't have <i>any</i> relatives in the UK, and your partners best friends all live in other countries. Then, it's less easy to get people together for 'just' a party. We had to ask ourselves, what would motivate people to travel hundreds or even thousands of miles? Only a wedding, a celebration, a liefdesfeestje, would do.<br />
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Still, though we continued to avoid the W-word (although we also got annoyed when my mum and step-mum said "It wasn't really a wedding" - go figure). For reasons both political and personal - weddings, lets face it, aren't very cool or punk - both Thomas and I resisted until, a few months before the celebration, we came across a poem that ended up playing a central part of our ceremony. Read beautifully by Thomas' sister, Julia (a fellow kickass feminist), I'm going to reproduce it here because, for me, there's nothing that better explains how we came to be at peace with the W-word and, indeed, with the notion of marriage.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJy1sU3BT5dilcHC__A61qEWnCRHXfyRE-d1kMSeLfe2tPV6Nfet5WKXkaKGSaGIxtXwJYXDwv07NjqYv1TwEFUFSBhiYWD0UKiK9GqapfOWutB7faP7Mjmvvw0Bi7fwm4JjKqwbfieyXP/s1600/_0048.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJy1sU3BT5dilcHC__A61qEWnCRHXfyRE-d1kMSeLfe2tPV6Nfet5WKXkaKGSaGIxtXwJYXDwv07NjqYv1TwEFUFSBhiYWD0UKiK9GqapfOWutB7faP7Mjmvvw0Bi7fwm4JjKqwbfieyXP/s640/_0048.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Why Marry At All by Marge Piercy<br />
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Why mar what has grown up between the cracks<br />
and flourished like a weed<br />
that discovers itself to bear rugged<br />
spikes of magenta blossoms in August,<br />
ironweed sturdy and bold,<br />
a perennial that endures winters to persist?<br />
<br />
Why register with the state?<br />
Why enlist in the legions of the respectable?<br />
Why risk the whole apparatus of roles<br />
and rules, of laws and liabilities?<br />
Why license our bed at the foot<br />
like our Datsun truck: will the mileage improve?<br />
<br />
Why encumber our love with patriarchal<br />
word stones, with the old armor<br />
of husband and the corset stays<br />
and the chains of wife? Marriage<br />
meant buying a breeding womb<br />
and sole claim to enforced sexual service.<br />
<br />
Marriage has built boxes in which women<br />
have burst their hearts sooner<br />
than those walls; boxes of private<br />
slow murder and the fading of the bloom<br />
in the blood; boxes in which secret<br />
bruises appear like toadstools in the morning.<br />
<br />
But we cannot invent a language<br />
of new grunts. We start where we find<br />
ourselves, at this time and place.<br />
<br />
Which is always the crossing of roads<br />
that began beyond the earth’s curve<br />
but whose destination we can now alter.<br />
<br />
This is a public saying to all our friends<br />
that we want to stay together. We want<br />
to share our lives. We mean to pledge<br />
ourselves through times of broken stone<br />
and seasons of rose and ripe plum;<br />
we have found out, we know, we want to continue.<br />
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"A public saying to all our friends," isn't that beautiful? The poem brought us round to thinking about the purpose of weddings, of the ways in which they can be a positive declaration and, yes, a celebration. Ultimately, we found ourselves realising, we could call it whatever we liked but if you're both wearing fancy clothes and saying vows and there's cake and confetti, it's probably a wedding. And a really great excuse for a party.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD8jvJlUNCFCTWCXHlSq-smhsleb1tX6zuLugSbYLLbMRi8PHv5Uv2xRg0lBvyEZoD6rN0eThqaGoXqLPrLPP1_3YnSvZM-UHMTwrfmxnKuBIcL9vHMIOfGdIil5ri6cvliYWw5LqDxoDn/s1600/_0030.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD8jvJlUNCFCTWCXHlSq-smhsleb1tX6zuLugSbYLLbMRi8PHv5Uv2xRg0lBvyEZoD6rN0eThqaGoXqLPrLPP1_3YnSvZM-UHMTwrfmxnKuBIcL9vHMIOfGdIil5ri6cvliYWw5LqDxoDn/s640/_0030.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxuD-49y6hBn_JDRrGIkGBqoCZqsOl-w7KPYQGdJMn75XE5EvDnTqQsubr6ZJSTwzFjsojvj8oT2MHzLRnFE9AXASvdQTbCdYuUsrIratiZl4inI4Gbc7gzt6RKi_y19SUI47h4MyucPks/s1600/_0127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1067" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxuD-49y6hBn_JDRrGIkGBqoCZqsOl-w7KPYQGdJMn75XE5EvDnTqQsubr6ZJSTwzFjsojvj8oT2MHzLRnFE9AXASvdQTbCdYuUsrIratiZl4inI4Gbc7gzt6RKi_y19SUI47h4MyucPks/s640/_0127.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3UrlyZzL6boWmFtyTQyffg3-rZkGo7rS_ZZPMonBoIPKkrLoGXV4fJkz-16zB99ilHhKkIOqPcpzKd3Ml5iZNjG0TpRzfe2TXzQ1fj-rS9li_nRFNDBJA_DzYosqArVqBR1t64fPDstQe/s1600/_0103.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3UrlyZzL6boWmFtyTQyffg3-rZkGo7rS_ZZPMonBoIPKkrLoGXV4fJkz-16zB99ilHhKkIOqPcpzKd3Ml5iZNjG0TpRzfe2TXzQ1fj-rS9li_nRFNDBJA_DzYosqArVqBR1t64fPDstQe/s640/_0103.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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All photographs by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/JamesMottramPhotography">James Mottram Photography</a></div>
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My other wedding posts:</div>
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<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/a-public-saying-to-all-our-friends-our.html">Our Feminist, Humanist Ceremony</a></div>
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<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/09/a-very-leicester-wedding.html">A Very Leicester Wedding</a></div>
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<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/06/planning-anxiety-friendly-wedding.html">Planning An Anxiety-Friendly Wedding</a></div>
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jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com31tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-41319456361191322092017-08-27T13:45:00.000+01:002017-08-27T15:16:31.942+01:00Photo An Hour: Saturday 26th August 2017<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I remembered Photo An Hour two months in a row - hooray! It's a rare occurrence for sure. Last year I missed it, but in <a href="http://wordsthatcanonlybeyourown.blogspot.com/2015/08/photo-hour-saturday-29th-august_30.html">August 2015 I was at my mum's for Photo An Hour</a> with Thomas, who was playing in a football tournament and opening his birthday presents. </div>
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This year? Sunshine, cat time, an afternoon jaunt to Rugby, and lots of food. Oh, and I had problems with both my camera memory card <i>and</i> my iPhone Photo Stream, which means that some of the pictures here aren't the ones that I Instagrammed. Oh well.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfsZdeKvUNVX25X0KNMgoEzmWTrP3lVNgHBFvZXZ0_deetv_IxRgjiF9wsfW0NCleU3FeQb8DP6IPWqZxc34vESkTgoalDMuW7yNCIFCexmxOi3zJ8QiV6eMfBMn8qvfGk5bhYIV52MFK2/s1600/DSCN4942.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfsZdeKvUNVX25X0KNMgoEzmWTrP3lVNgHBFvZXZ0_deetv_IxRgjiF9wsfW0NCleU3FeQb8DP6IPWqZxc34vESkTgoalDMuW7yNCIFCexmxOi3zJ8QiV6eMfBMn8qvfGk5bhYIV52MFK2/s640/DSCN4942.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b>9.30am:</b></div>
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A slow start to the day. Missy very kindly allowed us a long lie-in before coming to ask for her breakfast.</div>
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<b>10.30am:</b></div>
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After spending an hour cleaning the house, we rewarded ourselves with banana pancakes with lashings of the maple syrup my uncle brought us from Canada last month when he came for the wedding.</div>
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<b>11.30am:</b></div>
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I've finished cleaning the bathroom; now it's time for a shower. </div>
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<b>12.30pm:</b></div>
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Obligatory Photo An Hour picture of my outfit. Today it's a thrifted midi skirt, Primark tee, Fuck The Tories necklace and my favourite Make Zines, Destroy Fascism tote bag, because I'm never subtle in my politics or my fashion.</div>
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<b>2.30pm:</b><br />
My photo for 1.30pm - some plants on a stall in Rugby market - has disappeared entirely. So onto 2.30pm, when we'd just bought a bargain Ercol chair and were browsing the secondhand books in British Heart Foundation.<br />
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<b>3.30pm:</b><br />
A late lunch at the Bacco Lounge in Rugby. The Lounge chain have a reliably great vegan menu and often seem to have venues in smaller towns where otherwise we'd struggle to find vegan food - that being said, I am eating an extremely non-vegan steak & cheddar ciabatta here!<br />
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<b>4.30pm:</b></div>
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Complete lack of inspiration for a photograph so it's the Insta-cliche of my feet. I am so completely in love with my new tan Saltwater sandals.</div>
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<b>5.30pm:</b></div>
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Home after a diversion into Home Sense just outside Rugby that yielded some Orla Kiely bedding and the best smelling scented candle ever (Olivia Black Wild Pumpkin & Nutmeg). Excited about my bargain finds (and trying not to think about the £££ I've spent), it's time to find the new chair a home, and it fits perfectly into the office/craft room at the back of our house. </div>
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<b>6.30pm:</b></div>
Ok, I know I'm biased, but isn't this the most beautiful cat?! She sometimes holds her pose so nicely while I take a picture, like she's auditioning for America's Next Top Cat Model.<br />
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<b>7.30pm:</b></div>
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Neither of us are hungry yet (well, we did have lunch at half three after all) so we're using the time wisely and making a start on thank you notes. The beautiful linocut cards show our ceremony venue and I fortuitously stumbled upon them in a bookshop this week. We're saving them for our families: everyone else gets the beautiful Thank You stationery designed by my cousin, who also made our invitations.</div>
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<b>10.30pm:</b><br />
Oops, missed a few hours there! We had dinner and watched Jonathan Creek, then spent a while messing about staring at our phones in an annoying manner, before coming to bed to read for a while.jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-3138355924913895742017-08-21T17:41:00.001+01:002017-09-17T10:44:23.216+01:00A Short Break In Wales<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As we're still waiting for our wedding photographs to be ready, I thought I'd start at the end: with our post-wedding trip to Wales. Unfortunately, we were both in the opening stages of the virus that's been kicking my ass for the past couple of weeks, so it wasn't <i>quite</i> the romantic mini-break we'd envisaged. Rather less champagne-on-the-veranda and more catarrh-on-the-sofa, but we still had a lovely time.<br />
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We started off with a night in Hay-On-Wye, Wales' official book town and somewhere I always enjoy visiting. We'd booked into <a href="http://www.radnorhousehay.co.uk/index.html">Radnor House B&B</a> and would heartily recommend it: a reasonable price for an insanely luxurious room in the centre of Hay, and the most incredible breakfast (French toast for me, a vegan fry-up for Thomas).<br />
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We spent some time on Thursday afternoon and again on Friday morning pootling around the town, popping into all of the (many) bookshops and picking up some bargains. I usually visit Hay during the festival, and it's always nice to see the town a little calmer and quieter (albeit lacking the exciting buzz of festival time). </div>
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Having struggled to find vegan options for Thomas on Thursday, it was a relief to stumble upon the marvellous vintage shop/independent makers' marketplace/vegetarian cafe/venue space at <a href="http://oldelectric.co.uk/">The Old Electric Shop</a>. Fully fed and watered, we set off to drive to our final destination on the west coast of Wales.</div>
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A three hour drive later and we were in Aberporth. I'd read about <a href="https://www.airbnb.co.uk/rooms/1143845?wl_source=list&wl_id=191856673&role=wishlist_owner&adults=1&children=0&infants=0">Wendy</a>, the vintage train carriage-cum-holiday let located on the cliffs at Aberporth clifftop, years ago on <a href="http://fatfrocks.com/">Gemma's blog</a> and had bookmarked it because I knew train-mad Thomas would love it. By some strange quirk of fate, the usually fully-booked carriage happened to have two nights free the weekend after the wedding: it was meant to be!<br />
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Wendy was just as charming as I'd expected, full of cute vintage details that had Thomas fantasising about living in a train carriage full-time (two days later and the reality of being a 6'4" man in a small space had sunk in and he wasn't so keen!).<br />
<br />
After a week of rain, Saturday dawned bright and sunny and we took advantage of the weather to walk the coastal path - which runs directly in front of Wendy - to the nearby village of Tresaith for lunch at <a href="https://www.facebook.com/The-Ship-Inn-Tresaith-West-Wales-153994531303874/">The Ship Inn</a>. The coast of west Wales is just stunning, reminiscent of Cornwall at its finest (although with significantly fewer crowds), and the stretch from Aberporth to Tresaith shows it off at its best. After a pint or two, we retreated back to Wendy and spent the afternoon reading some of our Hay book haul, log burner lit for extra cosiness.<br />
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It was a lovely few days away and just what we needed after the wedding. And although it's a shame neither of us were well, it does give us a good excuse for another honeymoon!<br />
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jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-3908482637954413322017-08-18T18:22:00.001+01:002017-09-18T10:29:50.679+01:00What I've Been Reading Recently<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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July and the start of August haven't been great for reading: in July I was mostly incredibly busy and stressed with wedding and family stuff, and almost immediately after the wedding I fell ill and still haven't properly recovered. As a result, I've mostly been rereading for comfort - lots of Miss Marple mysteries and the whole Georgia Nicholson series - with a small sprinkling of new release thrillers and dystopias.<br />
<br />
Fever*</div>
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Deon Meyer</div>
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Rating: ****</div>
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When I was at school we read Z For Zachariah and I was completely
absorbed by its presentation of not just the dramatic events, but also the minutia
of daily life and survival after a nuclear incident. <a href="https://www.hive.co.uk/Product/Deon-Meyer/Fever/20738710">Fever</a> provides something
of the same reading experience, dealing as it does with the establishment - by
narrator Nico Storm's father, Willem - of a new settlement in the South African
Karoo desert following a disastrous global pandemic. There is a refreshing
focus on the mundane realities of survival, from planting crops and building irrigation
systems to producing diesel from sunflower oil. The challenges of not just
scraping by, but building a successful community, are made clear to the reader
without the narrative ever feeling bogged down with detail. Excitement is
provided by the regular incursions by groups of piratical raiders on motorbikes
known as the KTM, and the battle scenes have a harrowing realism. Meanwhile, tension
is derived from the fact that reader, from the first few pages of the book,
knows that we are building to the murder of Willem Storm. Meyer is best known
as a writer of Cape Town-set police procedural thrillers (which are, in my
opinion, criminally under-read outside of his native South Africa) but this
departure into dystopian post-apocalypse fiction is hugely absorbing, combining
Meyer's knack for characterisation with his ability to pile on the narrative
tension.<br />
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No Dominion<br />
Louise Welsh<br />
Rating: ****<br />
Welsh's Plague Times trilogy has been a timely and inventive example of post-pandemic fiction, spreading the action across three books of varying tone: the first book in the series, A Lovely Way To Burn, was a masterful murder mystery-meets-disaster novel and introduced us to the character of glamorous TV presenter Stevie. The second, Death Is A Welcome Guest, followed stand-up comedian Magnus' attempts to get out of plague-hit London and to his childhood home of Orkney. No Dominion is the final book and opens ten years down the line, with Stevie and Magnus both on Orkney, where a settlement of survivors has been established with Stevie as president. The teenagers of the settlement, however, are getting antsy and difficult (as teenagers do), and when a group of new arrivals turn up, events are set in motion which mean Stevie and Magnus have to leave the islands and head to Glasgow. Essentially a dystopian road trip novel, No Dominion was grippingly brilliant and it was a real pleasure to be back with the characters of Stevie and Magnus. As is typical of the road trip genre, there's an episodic nature to it which I thoroughly enjoyed (with their encounters at the castle of Lord Ramsey being a particularly enjoyable episode, with what I assume was a deliberate take on Game Of Thrones as modern dystopia). <br />
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True Love At The Lonely Hearts Bookshop*</div>
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Annie Darling</div>
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Rating: **</div>
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Verity Love, our titular heroine, is a vicar's daughter. We know this because we are told it repeatedly, in lieu of providing her with an actual personality. She's also an introvert, something that we're again repeatedly told - with introversion presented here as a pathological condition unique to our heroine, instead of a way of being for approximately 50% of the population, Seriously, there's even a whole scene where she solemnly sits the hero down and explains this terrible affliction called introversion. She has a cat, likes Jane Austen, and is so much a romantic fiction stereotype that I wanted to scream. Anyway, one day she has a meet-cute with handsome architect Johnny which leads, inevitably, to a summer of being each other's dates at various weddings, baptisms, bar mitzvahs, etc. Love, of course, ensues. As does boredom, on the part of the reader at least. Romance is not a genre I know particularly well but one author I do like and respect is Sarra Manning, so it was on her recommendation that I decided to read <a href="https://www.hive.co.uk/Product/Annie-Darling/True-Love-at-the-Lonely-Hearts-Bookshop/20318179">True Love At The Lonely Hearts Bookshop</a>. After this experience, I think I'll accept that romance isn't my genre and move on.</div>
<br />
The Good Daughter*<br />
Karin Slaughter<br />
Rating: ****<br />
I'd been craving a properly involving, gripping thriller that wouldn't make me shout in frustration at ludicrous plot twists or grit my teeth at sympathetic depictions of police brutality, and <a href="https://www.hive.co.uk/Product/Karin-Slaughter/The-Good-Daughter--The-Best-Thriller-You-Will-Read-in-2017/20043468">The Good Daughter</a> ticked all my boxes and then some. Slaughter's standalone novel, set in smalltown Georgia, is on the surface about two tragedies within the community - a family attacked 30 years ago by masked gunmen, and a subsequent school shooting in the present day - but it goes much deeper than that, asking challenging questions about guilt, complicity, family and trust. Refreshingly for a US crime novel, the town police are portrayed not as highly trained investigators who'll always save the day, but as bumbling at best and trigger-happy at worst, while the central characters are all entirely believable and utterly sympathetic.<br />
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* This title kindly provided for review by the publishers via NetGalley</div>
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jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-11955982929293690322017-08-14T17:10:00.000+01:002017-08-19T18:39:56.355+01:00I Have A Wedding Hangover<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>Our leftover confetti, as seen the next morning when we went to clear up</i></div>
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I have the hangover from hell: a wedding hangover.<br />
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Two weeks ago today was the day Thomas and I had spent the previous three years planning and now I'm looking around my house, empty at last of wedding supplies, and feeling a bit empty myself.<br />
<br />
Because it turns out that <i>all </i>of those old cliches are true.<br />
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It will go by in a flash.<br />
<br />
Enjoy every moment, it goes so fast.<br />
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It's the best day of your lives.<br />
<br />
This last I had been especially resistant to in the run-up to the big event. "Best day of my life," I scoffed, "I like to think my life is more interesting than one in which participating in an ancient patriarchal ritual is the best day I ever experience."<br />
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Well, don't I have egg on my face. What I should have realised was that, for us, the ritual isn't what makes it the best day ever, but the people who came to participate in it.<br />
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I can't properly describe to you how beautiful it was when I looked around the room and saw my family, who'd travelled from five different countries, the Nijmegen gang who'd decamped to Leicester for the weekend, Thomas' Scottish friends & family, and my local pals, all gathered together to celebrate with us. It's humbling to be faced with such love and affection: people who care so much about our stupid selves that they travelled hundreds or thousands of miles to share in our joy.<br />
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I'm tearing up writing this, realising that never again will that strange, wonderful combination of people come together, never again will we get to experience such a special day. So my advice to anyone planning a wedding at the moment? It will go by in a flash, enjoy every moment. And it <b>is</b> the best day of your lives.<br />
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<i>Note: many more wedding posts to come, don't worry! (She says, as if you're all so desperate to read more of me boring on about it. Well tough cos I'm gonna). But I'm really sick at the moment so it'll have to wait until I'm better.</i>jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-3944079184037643482017-07-22T17:45:00.001+01:002017-07-22T21:53:37.652+01:00The Buyer's Archive: June<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;">Since February 2015, inspired by </i><i style="color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.399999618530273px;"><a href="http://www.eliseandlife.com/" style="color: #2288bb; text-decoration: none;">Elise's</a> Buyer's Archive project, I've been keeping a record of all my clothing purchases in an effort to track what works and what doesn't and - in theory - cut down on my spending. </i></div>
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Apart from this post being extremely delayed, I actually didn't do too badly last month.<br />
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Denim skirt, Primark £7<br />
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I really can't explain why I bought yet another denim skirt: I think this is maybe my seventh? And not even black, like I wanted. It was a panic buy, a desperate grab at the only denim skirt near to my size (oh yeah it's also a size too big). Not my smartest ever buy, but I have worn it a few times, with a belt to prevent it falling down, so I'm trying to get my money's worth.<br />
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Grey marl t-shirt, Primark £2.50<br />
<a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/the-buyer-archive-june.html">Steff</a> alerted me to the brilliance that is Primark's slouchy tees and I am so glad. This dark grey marl one is one of my buys of the summer: I wear it constantly, tucked into a variety of vintage midi skirts. This is a size 12 (and I am a size 16/18) so their size range would fit well into plus sizes.<br />
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<a href="https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/519473597/make-zines-destroy-fascism-tote-bag?ref=shop_home_active_8">Tote bag, Black Lodge Press £7.50</a> (bought with Etsy vouchers)<br />
Isn't this just THE best bag you've ever seen? I've had Etsy vouchers burning a hole in my pocket since Christmas, but hadn't spied anything I really wanted to spend them on until I saw this on Black Lodge Press's Instagram feed.<br />
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<a href="https://www.clarks.co.uk/c/Griffin-Milly/p/26101101">Tan loafers, Clarks £25</a><br />
I've worked my way through a variety of uncomfortable and ill-fitting tan loafers from fashion stores like Dorothy Perkins, and thought it was more than time I invested in a proper, leather pair. So I was thrilled to find the Griffin Milly loafers in the Clarks sale (they don't seem to be online anymore but they might still have them instore). Once autumn hits, I'll be wearing these non-stop with my skinny jeans.<br />
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I'm finding at the moment that either there aren't any clothes in the shops that interest me, or that I don't feel like I *need* new stuff, which is great. Could it be that my addiction to fast fashion and shopping is starting to wane? We'll see... But with six months of 2017 gone, I'm almost exactly on target to achieve <a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2017/01/a-year-of-buyers-archive.html">my goal</a> of spending only £600 on clothes, shoes and accessories.<br />
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But <a href="https://jbistheinitial.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/the-buyers-archive-march-april-may.html"> June 2016</a> was a different story: I went on a real shopping spree and ended up spending a whopping £131.99. Of what I bought then, unfortunately nothing has been particularly well-worn with the exception of the ASOS T-bar shoes. I ended up having to sell the cat t-shirt because Missy hated it(!), and the turquoise midi skirt also got sold on. The polka dot skirt hasn't yet found its way into my regular wardrobe as I can't ever quite figure out what to wear it with. And I've found it hard to wean myself off my tote bag habit, so the Fjallraven rucksack - although a bargain - doesn't get used a huge amount. So yeah, overall not a terribly successful month of shopping.<br />
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Total for June: <b>£42</b><br />
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Total so far for 2017: <b>£291.69</b><br />
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Total this time last year: <b>£334.63</b><br />
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Look out for the #buyersarchive hashtag on Twitter and Instagram to see the other bloggers taking part.</div>
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jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-81902142451192703512017-07-16T19:02:00.002+01:002017-07-17T10:06:53.591+01:00A Photo An Hour: Saturday 15th JulyI finally remembered to participate in Photo An Hour, after a few months of consistently forgetting, hooray! To be honest, when I woke up I felt like I wasn't going to bother with it but then I saw that Becks - who I was meeting later in the day - was taking part and it spurred me on to start taking my photos.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjXRYpYero7Xdm6WOomFoy8Z6zSAadn8YIXvXVSGcI7uYpaHHzcsFP24PLBNcaT8RKY4z4ojsZqyd9JkxterCdZmEHin4n3FksxBmcQ1n6fWypl6cOrkxx6o9dDDp7kgtZNxKn1rCM1BFl/s1600/IMG_7598.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjXRYpYero7Xdm6WOomFoy8Z6zSAadn8YIXvXVSGcI7uYpaHHzcsFP24PLBNcaT8RKY4z4ojsZqyd9JkxterCdZmEHin4n3FksxBmcQ1n6fWypl6cOrkxx6o9dDDp7kgtZNxKn1rCM1BFl/s640/IMG_7598.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<b>10am:</b><br />
A shamefully late start to my day. I don't know why, but I am just <i>so</i> tired at the moment and feel like I could just sleep and sleep every morning. Anyway, finally up and I have a cup of tea and a bagel to fortify me for my trip to Nottingham.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgUJBwPcMAdwjLwOj1VqU4Oq1WfddjHHGZTEVWtgxetJqo7Su5cinsrqHv_s_ihkoFS1NOp_nj8mJvaCP9mxlVHqL2JB20kDJ8-4qlL2Z3-bTBWyeZd4CAj2bH9rbge8e0npvMl4UyxsIt/s1600/IMG_7603.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgUJBwPcMAdwjLwOj1VqU4Oq1WfddjHHGZTEVWtgxetJqo7Su5cinsrqHv_s_ihkoFS1NOp_nj8mJvaCP9mxlVHqL2JB20kDJ8-4qlL2Z3-bTBWyeZd4CAj2bH9rbge8e0npvMl4UyxsIt/s640/IMG_7603.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<b>11am:</b><br />
Getting dressed. I really wanted to go to Weirdo Zine Fest in London today but train tickets from Leicester are ridiculously £££ and I just can't afford to go much anymore. Instead, I'm representing for zinesters with my brilliant new tote bag from Black Lodge Press: Make Zines/Destroy Fascism is a great slogan to live by.<br />
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<b>Midday:</b><br />
On the tram into Nottingham from the Park & Ride. I was meeting up with my friend Becks for the first time in months<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO4LIdofjD-kKSltq1u5u5YE6G22YurkU3F_U0_D0HxO3Fnk0dTbs8cEZkyhXQBIL9A1GG20EocgJ2-EPUpjVKJjkGmKSLMKioHYjDwSnBwgmbgFmO3728Ufpxhej5pz0ECMl-zw1BlKhC/s1600/IMG_7607.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO4LIdofjD-kKSltq1u5u5YE6G22YurkU3F_U0_D0HxO3Fnk0dTbs8cEZkyhXQBIL9A1GG20EocgJ2-EPUpjVKJjkGmKSLMKioHYjDwSnBwgmbgFmO3728Ufpxhej5pz0ECMl-zw1BlKhC/s640/IMG_7607.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<b>1pm:</b><br />
Can you believe I didn't know that there was a Sostrene Grene in Nottingham until today. Just loooook at all this beautiful yarn! And I don't even <i>use</i> yarn in any of my crafts. Never heard of Sostrene Grene? Imagine Tiger, but both cheaper and classier.<br />
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<b>2pm:</b><br />
Becks had heard about a super special secret bar hidden away in Hockley and was in the process of telling me about it when we literally stumbled upon it by accident (so maybe not so super secret after all). Inside was an incredible candle-lit space that reminded me of Budapest's ruin bars.<br />
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<b>3pm:</b><br />
Pizza time! I had a the garlic bread with cheese and it was amazing.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5uXZLgAEbdkmRQQXn4ErmhvOtwGkAW6if0YZmfV_2WKTNm1qgTX7DTOSJDnYrn28e1jTB_SOYpFXIQb0Lx-6CQ0yIl5ZSsBKroxzNRtzAwZkVbyi5TNBXlluCHBrNm3XgCoPp8WWBKOCr/s1600/IMG_7621.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5uXZLgAEbdkmRQQXn4ErmhvOtwGkAW6if0YZmfV_2WKTNm1qgTX7DTOSJDnYrn28e1jTB_SOYpFXIQb0Lx-6CQ0yIl5ZSsBKroxzNRtzAwZkVbyi5TNBXlluCHBrNm3XgCoPp8WWBKOCr/s640/IMG_7621.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<b>4pm:</b><br />
My timings are a bit screwy here - at 4 I was actually driving home, so instead have this picture I took at about half 3 in the Sue Ryder Vintage shop. I can never resist a vintage typewriter.<br />
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<b>5pm:</b><br />
My vintage shopping haul. I've been after a pleated polka dot midi skirt for ages, so I was especially excited to find this one.<br />
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<b>6pm:</b><br />
Missy has shown to inclination to sit on laps since it got warm a month ago, so the fact that she plonked herself down on mine almost as soon as I sat down was <i>very </i>exciting. Never mind that it delayed dinner by a good hour, I wasn't going to pass up the opportunity for some quality cat time.<br />
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<b>7pm:</b><br />
I'm a real creature of habit, and Saturday evenings don't feel quite right without the following ingredients: the Funk & Soul Show on 6 Music, a glass of wine, the kitchen fairy lights lit, and something bubbling away on the stove.<br />
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<b>8pm:</b><br />
I'm feeling completely wiped out lately - underlying wedding planning stress maybe? - and last night I didn't feel capable of anything more intellectually demanding than a terrible comedy, so Role Models it was.<br />
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<br />
<b>11pm:</b><br />
Missed a couple of hours as we were finishing the film, but 11pm found me in bed with a book and about to turn off the light.jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-70949911781960730502017-07-06T21:11:00.000+01:002017-07-06T22:53:25.868+01:00I Will Not Be A Perfect Bride<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy4rC7sY7vFPoM7DO4ZfVNwFpjGmqpVSG9kEzd8Iyz0VRCyKm1Z037A5WIAz_mh8tt2pO_cCIsURuvTTrdGJQxo4b7uzh4QKdZxlKbZ_xsBKKOC-ftRcvqwpUtJAiHpDJgLENukmbVv6Yw/s1600/DSCN4873.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy4rC7sY7vFPoM7DO4ZfVNwFpjGmqpVSG9kEzd8Iyz0VRCyKm1Z037A5WIAz_mh8tt2pO_cCIsURuvTTrdGJQxo4b7uzh4QKdZxlKbZ_xsBKKOC-ftRcvqwpUtJAiHpDJgLENukmbVv6Yw/s640/DSCN4873.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
I will not be a perfect bride and I will not have a perfect wedding.<br />
<br />
I will be a size 18 bride, as I am a size 18 woman. I haven't slimmed for the wedding, haven't tried to turn myself into a different, smaller version of the person Thomas fell in love with. I understand why, in a society in which fat-shaming and diet culture are pervasive, many brides choose to diet. But I won't, I didn't. I will wear my double chins and my back fat and my stomach with pride. I will not be a perfect bride.<br />
<br />
I will be a scarred bride. I am blemished and tattooed and scarred and I will not cover them with clothes or with make-up. I will wear the marks on my body because they are my history, each one bringing me closer to the person I am today, the person who Thomas knows and loves. I will not be a perfect bride.<br />
<br />
I will be a bride with a chronic illness. I will be carefully attending to my medication regimen and diet in the next three weeks but, nevertheless, I will be a bride who needs the loo <i>a lot </i>on her wedding day. I will not be a perfect bride.<br />
<br />
I will be a bride with as little anxiety as possible, which means that I will not have a perfect wedding. It will not be very Instagrammable, nor will it look like a Pinterest board. It will be simple and ramshackle and DIY. But it will also be silly and fun and oh-so-very 'us'.<br />
<br />
Because while I will not be a perfect bride, I will be a very happy bride. I will be surrounded by family and friends, who are collectively travelling a total of 61,000 miles to be with us in Leicester. Every aspect of our day - from the reception venue to the cakes to the photographer - involves people we know and love. And, most importantly, I will be with my boy. The one who goes into another room to eat crisps because he knows I can't stand the noise. The one who took six weeks to kiss me when we started dating. The one who thinks my most annoying quirks are not just tolerable but actually <i>cute</i>. And while he won't be a perfect bridegroom, either, he will be - and is - perfect for me.jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-53681935935061520042017-06-29T08:22:00.000+01:002017-06-29T08:22:04.151+01:00One Year<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLufXNADu6aLK3wvYBxE2VKuoEud50BH1Do22LGjWewX55d0KJ0HA2Q7MfxvdJGhkbhKw8s9ECIBlKqlNoKsyV5F5QtNM79yKUHMF-BPL67k2AP6ZLCihTqAu70HehTQe3kNzFBlNdbIdg/s1600/DSCN3879.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLufXNADu6aLK3wvYBxE2VKuoEud50BH1Do22LGjWewX55d0KJ0HA2Q7MfxvdJGhkbhKw8s9ECIBlKqlNoKsyV5F5QtNM79yKUHMF-BPL67k2AP6ZLCihTqAu70HehTQe3kNzFBlNdbIdg/s640/DSCN3879.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Today marks one year since Thomas and I brought Missy home from the
RSPCA.<br />
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It has been the most wonderful 12 months with her and, at
the risk of sounding like a total cliché, neither of us can remember what life
was like without her. Although we'd both lived with cats before, they'd always
belonged to housemates which, it turns out, isn't the same thing at all. </div>
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Missy chose us, rather than the other way round. We went to the RSPCA a couple of days after Brexit, desperate to take our minds off the horror unfolding around us, and wandered around the cat section admiring puss after puss, completely baffled as to how we were meant to choose just one. And then a black cat with yellow eyes pushed herself up against the glass of her pen and 'rubbed' her head against my hand to say hello, and we were smitten.<br />
<br /></div>
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Missy is<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> mercurial. She is assertive. She can be very aloof and she can be very affectionate. She loves being brushed more than anything else (apart from perhaps Dreamies) and she loves to greet us when we come home from work. She will only sit on a lap if you first put a yellow cushion on said lap: no cushion, no lap snuggles from Missy. She'll hiss when displeased and occasionally strike out, but she's always careful not to use her claws on us. She's an awful wimp who makes a song and dance out of jumping onto a table, and will run away from other cats rather than confront them. She does, however, like to hunt flies. To our great disappointment, she's never shown any interest in boxes, nor in sitting in small and amusing places. Her happy place is the back garden, where she can nibble plants and watch insects to her hearts content. Most importantly, she is - as we tell her often - the best little cat in the world and we could not love her more.</span></div>
jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-6282871326594422032017-06-20T21:59:00.000+01:002017-06-20T21:59:19.004+01:0015 Facts About Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Months and months ago <a href="https://www.instagram.com/avaguearchive/">Rachel </a>tagged me in a post on Instagram challenging me to share a selfie and 10 random facts about myself. And then I totally forgot about it until <a href="http://www.sarahrooftops.co.uk/2017/05/20-facts-about-me.html">Sarah</a> wrote a post recently with <i>her</i> facts. I've done fact posts before but I know I always enjoy reading other people's, so here goes trying to think of 15 new facts about myself.<br />
<br />
1. My favourite subject at school was drama and I usually took the lead role in the school plays and musicals.<br />
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2. Show tunes are my not-at-all-guilty pleasure. I love listening to the Elaine Paige show on Radio 2 on Sunday afternoons, and on long car journeys will blast the soundtracks to Wicked and Rent while singing along at the top of my voice.<br />
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3. I also have a fondness for grime and, despite the incongruity of a 30-something white woman bopping along to Stormzy in a Ford Ka, it's another of my favourite driving soundtracks.<br />
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4. Speaking of age, I turn 40 next June and I am not at all happy about it. It sounds like such an enormous milestone (frankly, it just sounds <i>so old</i>!). So yeah, there's lots of denial of the ageing process going on around here at the moment.<br />
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5. I was once on local television talking about zines. I was only 17 and it was about as awkward as "teenager interviewed on local Bradford cable channel" sounds.<br />
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6. My mum is deaf, so I have (rudimentary) BSL skills. However, as she lost her hearing in her 50s, none of us are exactly fluent.<br />
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7. I have multiple diagnoses - Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Chronic Pain Syndrome - that impact on my life in various ways. At the moment, I'm trying to figure out how to get through the wedding and start my MA course without a combination of the three causing havoc.<br />
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8. I don't particularly like chocolate, and especially not chocolate cake.<br />
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9. The best gig I've ever been to was Joanna Newsom at Manchester Palace Theatre in 2010, closely followed by Joanna Newsom at Manchester Albert Hall in 2015. Whenever I see her live I spend the entire time completely rapt, so I'd heartily recommend trying to bag tickets when she next tours.<br />
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10. I secretly quite enjoy supermarket shopping.<br />
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11. Before getting Missy, I'd never owned a pet. Nope, not even a goldfish when I was a child.<br />
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12. I have too many disgusting habits to name, but probably <i>the</i> most unappealing is picking dry skin off my feet and then chewing it. I know, I disgust me too.<br />
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13. I've never been afraid of going to the dentist but, until a few years ago, I had a phobia of going to the hairdressers.<br />
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14. I've lived in three cities as an adult - Bradford, Manchester and Leicester - the latter for 20 years. I will leave one day... maybe?<br />
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15. Things internet people have recognised me by when meeting in real life: my fringe, my Feminist Killjoy bag, my tattoo, my red hair and, on one memorable occasion, by boobs.jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-2009501323691318102017-06-07T07:30:00.000+01:002017-06-07T07:30:04.768+01:00To Gift List Or Not To Gift List? That Is The Question<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr8fNYDaoxm237kMedp-GQxD1vFnNyaDb7htC_H3TMwrYrtPWIW0u_X4syFlx_IkInu4HUXM9CekHWEcyIEKiuEdzl8lo47Mc8YAa_yfKSDFgH-dbQZ-CCRS6OoYfw-023IBYiH29aLwJh/s1600/gallery-1489511952-getty-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="511" data-original-width="768" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr8fNYDaoxm237kMedp-GQxD1vFnNyaDb7htC_H3TMwrYrtPWIW0u_X4syFlx_IkInu4HUXM9CekHWEcyIEKiuEdzl8lo47Mc8YAa_yfKSDFgH-dbQZ-CCRS6OoYfw-023IBYiH29aLwJh/s640/gallery-1489511952-getty-2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
Recently a lot of people have asked us about gift lists: Do we have one, and if not, what do we want? And it's turning out to be a thornier issue than we at first thought.<br />
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When we started planning the wedding, Thomas and I were absolutely adamant that we didn't
want a traditional gift list; asking guests to first pay to travel (90% of guests are coming from outside of Leicester, with 50% of those travelling
from overseas) and then to splash out on some fancy kitchen gadgets from John
Lewis just didn't sit right with us. Unlike in times past, when a couple
getting married would almost invariably be setting up home for the first time,
Thomas and I have lived together for four years and we have pretty much
everything we need. So, no gift list.</div>
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We did ponder asking for charitable donations in lieu of gifts
(I was particularly keen to support the at-risk-of-closure Leicester Rape Crisis), or perhaps for Canadian dollars ahead of our planned trip next summer. But, again,
we came back to the fact that asking people to cough up cash in addition to plane fares and hotel bills felt
unfair. While some guests would, I am sure, be more than happy to contribute, we
didn't want people to feel obliged.</div>
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As we count a huge number of talented artists amongst our
friends and family, we next toyed with the idea of going with the classic mum
line, "Anything you've made would be lovely." But then how would
those without artistic skills (or with the skills but without time to commit to a project) feel? Again, we didn't
want there to be a sense of obligation.</div>
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A few alternatives have been suggested by friends: an Etsy gift
list, perhaps, or sharing our Amazon wishlists and getting books as wedding
presents. In the end, though, we've gone with what's probably the least
satisfactory solution from a guest's perspective - an embarrassed shrug and a
muttered, "You don't need to get us anything," when asked. But we're still not entirely sure if this approach is the right one, or whether our attempts to ensure people don't feel obligated to give us something are just making it more complicated for guests who <i>do</i> want to give a present. So let me know: what do you think of wedding gift lists? </div>
jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940545051361113340.post-48372673253232543222017-06-05T07:30:00.000+01:002017-06-05T16:42:19.994+01:00Planning An Anxiety-Friendly Wedding<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR841BG8owwFnMxOgTpxWw8ThsiRFQS6z9oDF5kYIXT2RHvU7Nyt-RHZ7h3ws2pvmPuCp7_Ypxcf8oSiKbIbVqirXKIJy5dTjrNYq-uBE7fP2-3Gw25J9tIgnRgn9mWRMHeiEr1zVpRDmX/s1600/DSCN4572.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1146" data-original-width="1600" height="458" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR841BG8owwFnMxOgTpxWw8ThsiRFQS6z9oDF5kYIXT2RHvU7Nyt-RHZ7h3ws2pvmPuCp7_Ypxcf8oSiKbIbVqirXKIJy5dTjrNYq-uBE7fP2-3Gw25J9tIgnRgn9mWRMHeiEr1zVpRDmX/s640/DSCN4572.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
With just eight weeks to go, the wedding is at the forefront of my mind at the moment, so prepare for a few posts talking about it. Today's is prompted by something a couple of people have recently asked me: how I've dealt with managing my anxiety during wedding planning and how I think I'll cope on the day itself?<br />
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It was an interesting question to ponder, because in all honesty we didn't approach the planning from the perspective of making the wedding anxiety-friendly. However, once Thomas and I sat down to think about it, we quickly realised that almost <i>all</i> of the big decisions we've made during planning have been prompted by or related to making it a comfortable experience for us. We have - partly on purpose but mostly by accident - planned the perfect anxiety-friendly wedding.<br />
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So, what have we done to make our wedding anxiety-friendly? Here are a few things that have worked well for us.<br />
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<b>Staying Local</b><br />
When we first began talking about a wedding, I was adamant about one thing: I did not want to have it in Leicester. My love/hate relationship with the city I've called home for 20 years is a whole other post, but at the start of the planning process two years ago I was in a 'hate' phase. So we looked, in a vague and noncommittal way, at venue options from Bristol to Glasgow, Leeds to Warwickshire. But nothing felt right, or affordable, or easy.<br />
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And then, a brainwave. Where do we feel most comfortable? The Lansdowne pub here in Leicester. Which building do we both think is one of the most beautiful in England? The Guildhall here in Leicester.<br />
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Now, having booked both places, I'm very relieved we chose to be have our celebration here. I'm (luckily) very much in an 'I love Leicester' mood of late, and I'm so excited to show the city off to people from around the world who would otherwise have no reason to visit. More importantly, it has made the planning <i>so</i> much easier, compared with trying to pull off a big event in a city we're unfamiliar with. So you can keep your destination weddings: I'm happy to be having a local one.<br />
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<b>Saying "No" To DIY</b><br />
It would have been so very easy for me - creative, imaginative, crafty - to become completely absorbed in a thousand DIY projects to make our wedding look Pinterest-perfect. I can imagine an alternate reality where we decided to decorate a barn or a marquee from scratch and I spent every evening for the past 12 months sobbing over table centrepieces and hand-sewn bunting.<br />
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Instead, we embarked on wedding planning with a strict "No DIY" policy. This was largely for budgetary reasons but also because we explicitly wanted a stripped-back, simple wedding: no favours (which inevitably get forgotten about and left on tables), no elaborate seating plans, no handcrafted centrepieces to fit a theme. In fact, no theme at all. This approach has meant that our energies have been concentrated on the few things - music, clothes, food - that are important to us, and has saved me many a sleepless night worrying about craft supplies.<br />
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<b>Making Google Docs Our Best Friend</b><br />
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From guest lists, to keeping track of when people are
arriving and where they're staying, to budget and to-do lists, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everything </i>is contained on one many-tabbed spreadsheet. And having it as a shared Google Doc means that we can
both access it anywhere, any time. Having a 2am panic about unbooked hotel
rooms? I can quickly check on my phone without getting out of bed. It's made it so much easier to share the
planning and ensure that Thomas - against my instinct to be a complete control
freak and drive myself to a breakdown - is able to do his fair share.</div>
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<b>Saying "Yes" To Offers Of Help</b><br />
Chiefly, financial help from my parents. Because, believe it or not, Janet Brown - Fiercely Feminist Independent Woman - is having a wedding almost entirely paid for by my mum and dad. And yeah, that's pretty fucking weird and something both Thomas and I struggled with and debated for a long time. Ultimately, though, we realised that turning down their incredibly generous offer to match the cash they'd given my brother and his wife for their 2015 wedding would have been foolhardy. Could we have paid for it all ourselves? Yes, by scrimping and saving these past two years, during which we were also constantly fretting about Thomas not having permanent employment. But our anxiety levels were immediately reduced the day we deposited those cheques and it's taken so much worry out of the planning process.<br />
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Of course, help hasn't only come in the form of money from my parents. So many friends have stepped up to help with everything from collecting jam jars for flowers, to volunteering assistance on the day, to lending cake stands. Knowing people who work in the wedding industry has also been hugely helpful, meaning we got our invitations, cakes, photographer and music all sorted either for free or at mate's rates.<br />
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If you're planning a wedding and someone offers to help, it's always worth considering it carefully - I've heard nightmare stories of parents thinking that giving money entitles them to control over the guest list, for example - but if you're comfortable with what's on offer, I'd say go for it.<br />
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<b>Planning Time Together On The Big Day</b><br />
I appreciate that for many people, getting ready separately and seeing each other for the first time as one of you walks down the aisle is all part of the magic. But for Thomas and I, the worst thing we could imagine was being apart until the ceremony. There's a reason we're getting married, after all - he's my person, the one I want by my side when I'm feeling anxious or nervous - and so it felt completely counter-intuitive to be apart during the build-up.<br />
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Instead, we'll both spend the morning at a family brunch before returning to our hotel to get ready together. And when the time comes, we'll travel to the Guildhall together ready to meet and greet people as a team. Taking the decision to do away with tradition and spend the whole day together was an easy one to make, and I am so glad I'll have Thomas by my side for the whole experience.jbistheinitialhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16586790915028084570noreply@blogger.com10